


the brightness of the sun

by skai_heda



Series: nephilim [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shadow World Setting (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Angst, F/M, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Humor, OR IS IT, Parabatai Bond, Unrequited Love, Violence, hehe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:06:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skai_heda/pseuds/skai_heda
Summary: "A parabatai is a pair of Nephilim warriors who fight together as lifelong partners, bound together by oath, regardless of their gender. Their bond is not reflected only in their closeness and willingness to lay down their lives for one another, but also in oath—one sworn in front of the Council."Sokka understands the magnitude of the promises he made to Suki when the two of them became parabatai. He understands that he must always fight by her side, but that he can never love her, not in the way he feels like he is meant to.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Series: nephilim [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000719
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey !!!!! if you haven't read the first work in this fic this won't make sense !! so go do that !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta we die like jet (except for certain chapters if i'm feeling professional)

_"_ _In the actual ceremony held to bind the parabatai—referred to in name as "the Fiery Trial"—there will be three rings of fire on the ground: two for the individuals, and a third one in the middle that will serve as the shared ring, seemingly symbolizing the union or joining of the pair as parabatai. The words of the parabatai oath are spoken, and parabatai runes are exchanged and placed on each other._

_"The first two male Shadowhunters Jonathan and David fought side by side as the first parabatai. Tradition tells that the ritual they performed was quite different from the current one: they took each other's blood, spoke the words of the oath, and inscribed the runes of binding upon each other."_

"Are you nervous?" Suki asks. Sokka, who has been staring blankly at the floor of the Silent City for a while, looks up. 

"No," he lies.

She rolls her eyes, stretching like a cat. "You know you can just be honest with me. Oh no, is that like, a thing that happens when we become parabatai? Are we going to be physically incapable of lying to each other?"

Sokka pauses, trying to consider this. The idea of lying to Suki already seems like an inherently stupid idea, but then again...

"I hope not," he mutters. "That would suck."

Suki wiggles her eyebrows, her long auburn hair spilling over one shoulder. "What, do you have a lot of things to lie to me about?"

"So many things, you have no idea," he says with a smirk. "Would you like an example?"

She shrugs. "Okay. Sure."

Sokka's smile widens. "Do you remember how you told everyone to leave that cheesecake in the fridge for you?"

"Not a whole cheesecake," she says indignantly, then leans back as she realizes. "I _knew_ it!" she declares savagely, then fixes him with an infuriated glare. "Would be unfortunate if I killed you before we became parabatai."

"Please don't," Sokka says, stepping back.

She continues to glare at him. "After the ceremony."

"That would ruin the mood."

 _Suki Aikawa and Sokka Nikisuittuk,_ the Silent Brothers say in those strange voices of theirs, that they hear in their minds rather than hear like normal words. _Step forward for the Trial of Fire._

Suki looks suddenly stricken, glancing sideways at Sokka. He feels about as nervous as she looks.

They walk over to where they're supposed to be, and Sokka tries not to flinch when two rings of fire burst to life, enclosing himself and Suki in their respective spaces. And then comes the parabatai oath, the one neither of them would ever forget.

The highest promise, the most unbreakable vow. 

_"Entreat me not to leave thee,_

_Or return from following after thee_ —

_For whither thou goest, I will go,_

_And where thou lodgest, I will lodge._

_Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God._

_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried._

_The Angel do so to me, and more also,_

_If aught but death part thee and me."_

Suki stumbles over the word _diest._ Despite everything, Sokka can't help but suppress a laugh. She finishes a second after he does, and shoots him a half-hearted glare.

And then come the runes.

The rings of fire part to let them both walk over to each other, and then a third ring surrounds them.

 _Are you nervous?_ she seems to ask with her eyes.

_No._

Sokka's never been much of a liar. And here he is, lying to the only person he shouldn't ever lie to.

He puts the parabatai rune on her first, after she lifts the hem of her black shirt. Sokka fumbles with the stele when he puts it against her bare skin, trying to draw the parabatai rune as precisely as he can. When he's done, he hands the stele to Suki and pulls up one of the sleeves of his t-shirt.

She seems to hesitate for just a second, before reaching forward and drawing the parabatai rune on him now.

And then it's over.

And they're tied together until the end of time.

* * *

**four years later**

* * *

If there's one thing Sokka can never understand about Suki, it's the fact that she always chooses to wake up piss-early in the morning to run on the beach. _It sounds horrible,_ he'd told her once. 

Suki, of course, had smiled that special smile she only reserved for him. Or, at least, he hoped it was only for him. And she'd said that he should wake up with her some time, and run with him.

Overall, the experience had not been bad. It had been the end that eventually forced Sokka into the decision that he wouldn't do it again, because he still remembers—the way they had stopped after they were done, her eyes the same color as the ocean just a few feet away from them. He remembers, of course, her talking as she stretches, the steadily growing sunlight casting light on her pale skin, marked by old scars and the rune—the parabatai rune.

She'd woken him the next day, asking softly whether he wanted to run with her again. And he had lied, mumbling some excuse about how he was too tired and sore from yesterday's patrol. And with an affectionate tug of his hair, she had left after that.

It hurts him sometimes, to think about how much he lies to someone who trusts him so completely.

Today happens to be one of the rare days where he accidentally wakes up just as early as her, early enough to hear—or sense, really—her footsteps as she creeps past the other bedrooms in the Institute and runs downstairs.

From the corner of Sokka's bedroom, Appa, the Institute's cat, starts meowing mournfully. 

"Here, kitty," Sokka murmurs, sitting up. "C'mere."

Appa leaps up onto his bed and into Sokka's arms. He takes this as a major victory.

The door flies open, and he holds Appa in front of his bare chest to hide it. 

"I knew you were awake," Suki says triumphantly. Her short hair is tied back into a messy ponytail, and she grins. With the sunlight streaming through Sokka's window, she seems to be made of light

"Huzzah," Sokka says. "Please don't make me get out of bed."

"You're so boring," she complains, leaning against the doorway. Maybe he's imagining it, but Suki seems to find excuses to look at anything in the room except him.

But then her eyes directly meet his, and that small suspicion disappears. He can't help but feel strangely disappointed. "Are you kidding?" he asks, trying to not stare at her too intensely. "I'm the most exciting person here."

"Try melodramatic," Suki says. "Oh, whatever. I'm going to run."

"From the police?"

"Yes, from the police. I'll be back by nine, okay?"

"Mhm."

She walks forward and flicks his forehead hard before walking out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind her. Sokka reproachfully rubs his forehead and lies back down, holding Appa close to him. But Appa seems to have run out of patience with him, and wriggles out of Sokka's arms with an indignant hiss.

"Stupid cat," he mutters.

Part of him wants to get out of bed and join Suki—a part of him is always looking for ways to spend more time with her, soak in her presence like sunlight after a year of storms. It's not the same as the truth, but it's as close as he can get.

And then Sokka imagines, as he often does, coming clean to his parabatai. Telling her that he loves her, being honest with her about the one thing that matters most. 

In an ideal world, she tugs him close and kisses him in a way that makes him stop worrying about how she would react. In a more realistic situation, she pushes him away, her lovely face marred by anger and disgust.

No, he was not supposed to be in love with his parabatai. But no matter how hard he tries, he cannot see any universe in which he isn't.

* * *

Some time after lunch, Sokka finds Zuko and Suki sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by piles of dusty books from the Institute Library. Zuko looks absolutely lost in his book, his eyes scanning the pages so fast that the golden irises appear blurred.

Suki however, seems to be thinking about something else, her eyes slightly unfocused and her fingers still on the same page. 

"Well, come in," she says after a minute. "You think I wouldn't notice you or something?"

"Stupid parabatai witch magic," Sokka sighs, sidling into the kitchen. "I don't want to read your books and do your stupid research."

"Sit down," Zuko says sharply. "This is serious."

"Lighten _up,_ Mister Herondale," Sokka grins, reaching out to pinch Zuko's cheeks, although remaining careful enough to not hurt the scarred skin. "What seems to be the problem?"

 _"Cecaelia_ nest down by Santa Monica Pier," Suki tells him, putting her book down with a loud _thud._ "Not exactly a demon we're familiar with, and apparently seraph blades don't work on it or something."

Sokka looks up. "What?"

"She's _unreliable_ because she didn't even do much reading," Zuko mutters, reaching out to flick Suki's forehead. She yelps and smacks the back of his head. "Seraph blades _do_ work, but uh—I mean they _probably_ work—"

" _Basically,"_ Suki says loudly, cutting smoothly across his rambling. "Zuko and I saw one of those gross slimy things on patrol last night and we tried to kill it, but we stabbed one with our seraph blade and it deactivated. And then it like—walked? Slithered—?"

"It _went_ back into the ocean before we could figure out how to kill it," Zuko says, "so that's what we're trying to figure out now."

"We've been looking for almost two hours," Suki groans, craning her neck to glance at the microwave clock. "And none of these books say anything about how to kill a _Cecaelia._ It's all about how ugly they are."

"What did they even look like?" Sokka asks, sitting down on the desk.

"Oh, let me," Zuko says, waving a hand in front of Suki's mouth. "They're basically like—blob merpeople. Things. And it sort of had a human head? It doesn't have any arms and it's got these short and thick tentacles for legs, and it's _totally_ covered in demon slime—"

"Stop," Sokka says, straightening. "Please. I never want to hear the words _demon slime_ together ever again."

Zuko looks up at him. "Demon slime, demon slime, demon slime, demon slime, demon slime, demon sl—"

 _"Okay!"_ Suki exclaims, slapping a hand over Zuko's mouth. "Anyways. Just sit down and help us look, alright?"

Sokka rolls his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. I bet I could find the answer in five minutes."

Suki snorts. "Sure."

"Watch me."

He picks up a dusty book from the pile at random and flips open to a random page, quickly trying to scan the words there. 

> Cecaelia _also produce copious amounts of green and black slime that completely covers their bodies and interferes with their speech. They have sharp, slime-stained teeth and flickering green tongues that ends in a thick point. Due to the excess of the demonic secretion—_

Sokka wrinkles his nose.

> _Due to the excess of the demonic secretion that acts as a protective layer, able to harden at the will of the demon, seraph blades are typically deactivated with one attempt to dispatch the creature. However, there is a specific region of skin on the lower base of their necks that lies unobstructed by the protective layer. One strike in this area will shut down all of their internal organs, and will kill them within the minute._

"Aha," he says softly. "Gotcha."

"No _way,"_ Suki spits, leaping to her feet. "No way you just opened the book to a random page and found it."

"Yes way," he replies, reaching forward to touch her nose. She grabs his finger before he can though, her expression furious. 

"I hate you," she says.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I solved your problem and I am a gift to humanity. End of discussion."

"Okay, gift to humanity," Suki says, letting go of his finger and gracefully rising from her chair. "Then that's what we'll take care of during patrol tonight. Yeah?"

"Oh, thank god," Zuko says, yawning. "Then I don't have to worry about it."

Suki rolls her eyes before diverting all of her attention to Sokka. He tries to not freeze under the blinding intensity of her gaze, the endless trust that she gives him every single time their eyes meet.

_Just look at her. Look at her like you don't lie to her every day._

It's a battle. And it's a battle he loses every time.

He glances away from her. "We'll be going out for our patrol once Katara and Aang get back from their shift."

"I bet Aang's having the time of his life," Suki mutters, a hint of a smile at the edge of her mouth.

"What does _that_ mean?" Zuko asks, looking up.

"It means Aang's in _looooove_ with Katara," Sokka tells him. He waits for a reaction, but Zuko merely nods as if he's acquired some new piece of information during class with their tutor, Iroh Zhen, who is the Head of the Institute and also Zuko's uncle. 

"Yeah, but Katara doesn't like him back," Suki says, reaching out to pat Zuko's head. "She's basically his mom. She _mothers_ him."

"They _are_ best friends," Zuko says, a little mournfully.

"We're _all_ best friends," Sokka says. Suki glances up and glares at him.

 _Oh,_ he mouths once he realizes. _Whoops._

 _Idiot,_ she mouths back.

"Anyways," Zuko says, shaking his head to get rid of Suki's hand. "Go get ready for patrol. Katara should be back soon."

"Bye," Suki singsongs, grabbing Zuko's face and kissing him loudly on the side of his head. "No funny business."

"Says you, gremlin," Zuko mutters, gently pushing Suki's face away with his palm.

"Would you like a kiss from me, too?" Sokka says with a smile.

"Later," Zuko deadpans. "Get _out."_

Suki elbows Sokka as the two of them exit the kitchen, and Sokka elbows her back. "You know what's weird? He acts like the parental figure of the Institute whenever Iroh's away for Clave business, but he's like, totally stupid."

"Sokka!"

"Not _stupid_ stupid. But parent stupid."

Suki grins at him as they enter the Institute's weapon room. "You think Zuko would be a bad parent."

"I think Zuko would be a _great_ parent. I'd be fine if he was my dad."

She glances sideways at him.

"That came out wrong, but you know what I mean. He'd be a great parent, but it's so funny to see him trying to manage us as if he isn't equally as irresponsible as the rest of us."

"The rest of us _are_ responsible. You're the only irresponsible one."

"Yes, and also the smartest. And _don't_ flatter yourself. I can agree that everyone else is responsible, but you and I are the irresponsible duo, alright? Don't even get me started on all the irresponsible things you've done—"

"Yes, but I'm still more responsible than you," Suki says, picking out a regular sword to carry along with her angelic seraph blades. Sokka dimly remembers a time where she used to fight with war fans.

_She looked pretty hot fighting with the fans._

He shakes his head and goes over to where he has set up a station to polish his silver boomerang. "Whatever. We're still _the_ irresponsible ones."

"You know, I don't think anyone here at the Institute could necessarily fall into just, like, one category or whatever. Too much oversimplification of many, many messes."

"Well, _yeah,"_ Sokka concedes. "But still. You and I are the irresponsible ones, Katara is the responsible one, Aang is the nice one, Zuko is the one with no self-preservation instincts—"

"That's literally all of us," Suki counters. "Because we're Shadowhunters. That's basically in the job description. 'No self-preservation instincts allowed.'"

"Well, that's what parabatai are for, I guess," Sokka says, trying to not glance at Suki to see her reaction. "To be each other's self preservation instincts."

Suki is silent for some time. "That's kind of sweet, actually. Nice, I mean. That's a nice thing—to have. Nice person to have."

Sokka swallows. "It's just—it's just parabatai, Suki. Not marriage."

"I _know_ that," she says, a little too quickly. If he didn't know her as well as he does, he wouldn't have been able to hear the defensive note in her voice. Or maybe he's just imagining things, letting himself be influenced by what he wants. "I was just saying that the idea of parabatai doing that is nice."

He pauses for a moment. "We would've done that even if we weren't parabatai, you know? Been each other's self-preservation instincts or whatever."

"Yeah, probably," she replies, her tone light again. "But I'd rather be your parabatai than—not be your parabatai, I guess."

He turns to see her smiling slightly at him.

"Me, too," he lies.

* * *

"I had that one, you know."

Sokka looks up to see Suki putting an unlit seraph blade in her belt. Their patrol shift's probably over by now, but aside from the _cecaelia_ nest, which ended up taking more time to take care of than they anticipated, there were always more demons. "Well, I got to it first," he tells her with a smile. "Besides, you've killed about ten demons already. Save some for me, will you?"

"Not the worst idea," she answers, shaking her head and glancing down at herself. "There's demon blood all over me."

 _You're still beautiful,_ he almost says, but just bites his lip and winces in what he hopes is a sympathetic manner. She rolls her eyes and then stares at him for a bit before her throat bobs and she looks away from him. Maybe he's also covered in demon blood.

His phone buzzes, and he pulls it out of his pocket.

 **mista herondale** _2m ago_

_there's food_

Sokka unlocks his phone to open the conversation.

> dude where are you
> 
> bro
> 
> dude i hate lying to iroh about whether you came back on time or not and im abt to tell him that you guys stayed out late again
> 
> DUDE
> 
> omg i hope the cecaelia demons didn't kill you lol
> 
> hey sorry aang took my phone and sent the last text but yeah anyways please come back to the institute asap
> 
> there's food

Sokka puts his phone away and walks towards Suki. "Our shift's over," he tells her, a little unnecessarily, glancing down at his watch. "We should go back to the Institute. Iroh's gonna have my head if we stay out late again."

"Right," Suki says, pulling out her own phone and glancing down at it. "Zuko is _already_ freaking out."

He grins. "He's _Zuko._ Of course he'll freak out. Let's go. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Suki mutters, pushing past him to start making her way to where they parked their car.

She doesn't look back at him as she walks, simply knowing that he will be right behind her. He wants to freeze this moment, stay behind her forever so she can always be framed in the moonlight, and he can always just look at her without her turning back to the see the love in his eyes. Because if she ever saw the way he looked at her when she didn't notice, there's no way Suki wouldn't be able to figure out that he's in love.

But every perfect moment comes to an end, and he falls into step beside her. 

She smiles at him, like everything is normal. And maybe for her, everything is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta i WILL perish like jet

Sokka's waking up from a short nap by the time Suki pulls up to the Institute, with its warm lights and familiar structure. Some song plays softly on the radio, and Sokka immediately recognizes it as Suki's favorite artist.

As for Suki, well, she's as beautiful as ever, her focus solely on the Institute as she parks the car. 

For a moment, she just sits there and listens to the music, her eyes drifting closed. There's something worrying her, he thinks. There's always something worrying her, but tonight it seems to be something bigger. There's a seriousness about her now that he's familiar with, but it surprises him all the time. Even with both of them being regarded as the 'fun' or 'irresponsible' ones in the Institute, Suki had always been more serious than him in general. 

Sokka likes that, really. It wouldn't have been great if his parabatai was _just_ like him. He likes the fact that in serious situations, Suki is the calm, sane mind that always drives the process.

And then of course, the one that worries. She worries nearly as much as Katara does, now that Sokka thinks about it.

The singer's low, sweet voice drifts over the car, and Sokka finds that he really likes this song. Not that he'd ever admit it to Suki, though.

The song ends, and she finally takes the key out of the ignition before tucking it into her pocket and twisting her body to face Sokka. "Hey, wa—oh, you're awake."

"Yeah, I just woke up," he says, stretching. "I hope we aren't too late for dinner."

"If we are then they probably saved some for us," she says, unbuckling her seatbelt. Sokka gives her a look, and she rolls her eyes. "They're not all assholes, dude."

"I'm sorry, have you _met_ them?"

"Okay, well don't take your sweet time getting out of the car. There's still a small possibility there's some food left," Suki replies with a grin before getting out of the car. Sokka quickly follows suit, gently shoving Suki as he makes his way towards the door of the Institute. 

"Don't get blood on the kitchen floor!" Katara yells as he and Suki walk in, but Sokka's focus is entirely on the box in the middle of the table. 

"You got pizza!" he says in reply. That justifies everything, doesn't it?

Katara stretches and glares at them. "Yeah, and you're not getting any of it until _both_ of you shower."

Suki mutters something rude under her breath before walking out of the kitchen, and Sokka lifts a certain finger before backing out of the kitchen as well. 

Despite being covered in demon blood, Suki has managed to not get it anywhere, and he notices this as he makes his way into his bedroom and then to the bathroom. He tries to shower as quickly as he can, thinking mournfully of the pizza waiting for him.

Suki isn't done by the time Sokka nearly scrambles into the kitchen, grabbing a plate and some pizza.

"Don't forget to chew," Zuko says sweetly.

"Piss off."

"Just trying to take care of you, my son," Zuko proclaims dramatically, reaching out to tug on Sokka's damp hair.

"Please don't call me your son," Sokka says, pushing his hand away. "Last time you called me your son you picked me up, called me _Simba,_ and threw me into the ocean."

"Zuko can pick you up?" Aang asks, smirking.

"Well, look at him. He's so skinny," Zuko replies. "And I didn't _throw_ him into the ocean, I walked into the water and dropped him."

"You _threw_ me."

"Dropped you."

"Threw—"

Sokka's parabatai rune buzzes with energy, and his senses sharpen as Suki enters the kitchen, the ends of her damp hair darkening spots on her shirt. Katara turns her attention away from Aang to talk to Suki once she gets her food and sits down next to the spot Sokka saved for her, lifting a hand to hide a yawn.

"Did you hear anything I said in the last minute?" Zuko asks.

"No."

"—yeah," Suki is saying. "What's her name again?"

"Toph Beifong, I think," Zuko says. They must be talking about the new transfer.

Aang's eyes widen. "A _Beifong?_ They're like—a _super_ famous Shadowhunter family. I mean, Shadowhunters are all like, warrior heroes and stuff, but Beifongs? They are _the_ warrior heroes."

"The last Consul was a Beifong, right?" Katara asks, putting her chin in her hands.

"Yeah," Aang replies, and Sokka gazes in horror as Aang picks the pepperoni off of his pizza. Sighing, Sokka leans across the table to take it for himself, making Suki smile. "I wonder if Toph is going to be some crazy scary warrior."

"Probably," Zuko says, who is staring at Katara. Sokka tries to not gag on his food.

"How old is Toph, anyway?" Suki asks, taking a bite of her pizza. Sokka's suddenly aware of her left hand, which is hanging off of the edge of her seat like his right hand is, and how close their fingers are.

"Fifteen," answers Katara, oblivious to the way Zuko's attention is on her. "She's as old as Aang."

"And probably scarier, too," Zuko says with a grin, reaching out to ruffle Aang's hair. He just puts his chin in his hands and mutters something under his breath.

And then Sokka finds himself looking at Suki, as he always does. There's a nasty cut on Suki's cheek, and his heart aches at the sight of it. As far as he knows, Suki's immune to pain, basically—he's seen her break her back and not even show discomfort while the Silent Brothers worked on her. He knows that she's the strongest person he knows, but it still hurts to see any injury on her.

"Aren't you going to draw an _iratze_ on that?" he asks finally, gesturing towards her cheek.

She laughs and reaches for her stele. "I didn't even know it was there."

"Wait, let me," he blurts, impulsively reaching for his own stele. "Uh, it'll work better because—parabatai magic."

"It's not magic," Suki says. Maybe Sokka's imagining it, but her voice falters as he puts a hand on the delicate curve of her jaw. She glances down at the dining table as he slowly draws the healing rune.

"Done," he announces, quickly moving his hand away from her face as if her skin burns him. He picks up the container of cheese near him and tries to pour it over her pizza, but she flicks his hand away, thanking him for the healing rune with a small smile.

Sokka suddenly feels self-conscious, desperate to reach for a safer topic of conversation. "Patrol wasn't too bad today. Same as ever, really."

Suki frowns. "You're sitting here talking to me about patrol like it's the weather. Something up?"

There's something about her that doesn't seem entirely right. Something in her eyes...

"You know how Shadowhunters have to go on a travel year when they're eighteen?" Sokka asks with a small sigh.

She winces slightly. "Right—and they go without their parabatai, right?"

Sokka tries to smile as brightly as he can. ""See, that's what I'm excited about. Won't have to see your stupid face for a whole year."

Suki reaches out and tugs on his ear. "I think I'll enjoy not seeing you _more."_

He elbows her. "Shithead."

"Blah blah."

Zuko clears his throat and rises from the table, grabbing his plate. "As much as I would like to see you guys kill each other at the dinner table, I think Katara's going to chop your head off if you get blood on the table again."

Katara rolls her eyes and wrinkles her nose at Zuko. "See, all of you are making fun of me as if you guys like the idea of having someone else's blood all over your food."

"Unless you're a vampire," Aang reasons. Zuko just looks back at her as if he's found some rare gem before moving on to put his dish in the sink.

Sokka smirks with a sideways glance at Suki, who also has a smirk of her own on her face. "Or any Downworlder, really. You never really know what anyone likes."

Zuko returns to the dinner table. "Hey, Sokka, Suki, did you guys decide where you want to go for your travel year yet? Uncle Iroh needs you to decide within the next month."

"A month!" Sokka exclaims in disbelief. "Why are you asking us now then, genius?

"Because you're shit at deadlines," Zuko answers, looking supremely unconcerned. "So I suggest that you decide within the next week."

In all honesty, Sokka would rather go wherever Suki goes, but that isn't exactly allowed.

"I kind of want to go to the Paris Institute," Suki says, sipping her water.

"Nope, that's where I'm going."

Suki glares at him. "You owe me because you set my room on fire."

Aang looks alarmed. "He did _what?"_

"I replaced most of the things I burned!" Zuko protests, looking indignant. "Besides, I already told him I'm going to Paris."

"I'm going to snap your bones into pieces," Suki says decisively.

"Yeah, _after_ I get from Paris," he answers with a grin.

Sokka turns to his sister, who watches the exchange with a faint smile on her face. "Where do _you_ want to go?" She won't be eighteen until December, but Sokka wants to know regardless.

Katara considers this for a moment. "I'm thinking maybe the Reykjavik Institute."

"Why would you want to go all the way to _Iceland?"_ Freakin' Iceland. "Don't you want to go somewhere more... I don't know, exciting?"

Katara frowns. "Iceland _is_ interesting. Besides, I might change my mind. I'm not going until next year."

"I'm going for my shift," Zuko announces, cutting across their conversation. "Try not to set the Institute on fire while I'm gone?"

"Out of all of us, you're the only one who actually _has_ set the Institute on fire," Suki says, crossing her eyes and fixing Zuko with a venomous look.

He just waves his hand. "Details."

Sokka waits for Zuko to pull on his gear jacket and get out of the kitchen before letting out a low whistle. "Who put him in in charge?"

"He _is_ the oldest," Aang says.

Sokka hides a yawn behind his mouth. "Well, when's Iroh going to be back from Idris?"

"You know how Clave meetings are," Katara sighs. "Nobody can come to a decision about anything."

"I actually _don't_ know how Clave meetings are, because though they so no one under eighteen is part of the Clave, it's technically no one under nineteen."

"Hopefully he'll be back soon," Suki tells them, rising from her seat to go put her dish in the sink. "I'm going to go up to bed," she announces once she comes back to the table.

"Boring," Sokka says, but he absentmindedly rubs his eyes as he says so. Maybe that nap in the car earlier wasn't enough. This earns him a gentle slap on the back of his head from Suki.

"You should go to bed, too," she suggests in a soft voice, and pulls away from him. The loss of her warmth alarms him, and he reaches for her hand.

Sokka can't exactly describe what happens next—it's like someone's sliced his palm open and, even weirder, he feels that same brief flash of pain in his parabatai rune.

Suki lets out a hiss of pain and cradles her hand to her chest. "What in the _hell_ was that?"

"Hell of an electric shock you gave me!" Sokka replies, glaring at her. _"Jee-zus."_

She grins at him. "Afraid of a little electrocution, Sokka? Besides, _you_ shocked _me."_

"Did not," he protests.

"Did too."

"Whatever," Sokka sighs. "Look, I just wanted to say..."

What _did_ he want to say? Did he really even have anything to say at all, or did he just want to hold her hand again? 

_What would you say, if you could say anything you wanted in the world?_

_("What would you do right now, if you could do anything you wanted in the whole world?")_

"What?" Suki asks, her eyes glittering. A million hues of blue and grey and green.

"Never mind," he says, grinning self-consciously. "I forgot what I was going to say."

She frowns for a split second before shrugging a little. "Okay. See you tomorrow, Sokka."

"See you."

He watches her go, and his stomach turns with uncertainty. His sleepiness has suddenly worn off, and he goes upstairs after gracing Katara with a perfunctory pat on the head.

He stops in front of her bedroom door, rubbing the back of his neck.

_("Anything I wanted?"_

_"Anything you wanted," Suki tells him. Her hair is long in this memory, this perfect memory of them on the beach as they always were. "Right now. What would you do?"_

_Sokka shrugs. "Get my driver's license. I did turn sixteen last week."_

_She rolls her eyes. "Pick something more exciting."_

_The endless onslaught of unforgiving sunlight colors her pale cheeks a delicate shade of pink, and her auburn hair flutters in the sea breeze. A dozen scars from old runes and old injuries glitter on her skin like silver paint, her lips darker than her cheeks._

_"I don't know," he says, glancing away. "There's lots of things I want to do.")_

Sokka moves away from her door, swallowing. _You are my parabatai. You are the girl I love._

He knows those two facts can't exist together.

_You are my parabatai. You are the girl I love._

Sokka walks away.

* * *

The following morning, he finds Suki leaning against the wall by the doorway into the kitchen, listening quietly. Strands of reddish-brown hair are plastered to her forehead with sweat—she must have just come from a run.

She appears to watching something—or someone in the kitchen, not even turning back to look at him. Slowly, Sokka approaches her, putting his face next to hers. "Who are we listening to?" he asks quietly.

"Katara and Zuko," Suki informs him. "I think they're about to make out," she adds, a bit unnecessarily. The two people in question are alarmingly close to each other, and the front of Zuko's shirt is cut open, displaying a nasty injury that Katara is attempting to heal.

Sokka rolls his eyes and makes to walk into the kitchen and interrupt this whole gross thing, but suddenly Suki's fingers are curling around his shirt, effectively holding him back. Sometimes Sokka really forgets how physically strong she is. 

"They're having a moment!" she hisses indignantly.

"So why are you standing here watching it?"

Suki rolls her eyes and looks back into the kitchen.

"I can't take this anymore," he mumbles into her ear before walking into the kitchen. "What a _night!"_ he says loudly, startling Katara into taking a step back from Zuko. "For both of us, it seems. Got yourself sliced open like a cake again, did you?"

Zuko gestures at his stomach. "Not anymore."

"So put a functional shirt on," Sokka replies. "I don't want to see all of that."

"Yes, you do," Zuko says with a smirk, but reaches for one of his sweaters that hang on the back of one of the dining chairs. He really needs to stop leaving his sweaters everywhere. "How was _your_ night exciting? You slept like a rock."

"Yeah," Sokka confirms, "but I had weird dreams."

"What was it this time?" Suki asks with a laugh beneath her words. "Turn into a mushroom again?"

_I dreamed about you. I dream about you more than I want to, and I dreamed about you and me at the beach._

_("Anything you wanted.")_

"It was only twice," he tells her in response to her earlier question, reaching over to pinch her in the arm. "No, I had a dream where Katara shot water out of her hands and punched Zuko in the face."

"That isn't exciting, half of that happened in real life!" Suki protests. 

Sokka smirks as he considers the one time Katara socked Zuko in the face after he pushed her into the water. "Yeah, yeah." He grabs an apple from the basket in the middle of the dining table. "When is Toph Beifong coming to the Institute?"

As if in response to his question, there's a distant crash somewhere in the Institute. Suki has a small blade in her hand in an instant, her expression hardening.

"That better not be the chandelier," Zuko says in a flat voice.

"Looks like she might already be here," Katara announces, and the four of them make their way to the entryway. Aang will probably be there as well, if the crash woke him.

By the door, there's a large Portal, and out steps a rather short girl, with dark bangs and wearing a green jacket. Her long, dark hair is tied back into a large bun, and she raises her head to survey them critically. Sokka raises his eyebrows.

"She's blind," he announces, taking note of the cloudy green eyes she has.

"And not deaf. I'm Toph Beifong. Though I guess you already knew that."

"Hi, Toph," Katara says, her voice warm. "Welcome to the Los Angeles Institute. We're glad to have you."

"I'm sure you are. When's the next demon patrol shift?"

Sokka exchanges a glance with his sister, and he glances down at the Sight rune on Toph's hand, the same one every Shadowhunter has on the back of their dominant hand. That probably doesn't do much now, does it?

"Now!" he hears Aang say from the top of the stairs, and watches as he nearly tumbles down the stairs in his haste to get to Toph. "Now. You wanna come with me?"

"Nuh uh, no way," Zuko says, looking alarmed.

"I'm fifteen!" Aang protests.

"And I'm _eighteen,"_ Zuko answers, crossing his arms. "Two fifteen year olds on demon patrol isn't—the safest choice."

"Toph's one of the greatest Shadowhunters of our generation," Katara tells them. "Or so I've heard. Maybe they can handle themselves."

"Did your research, I see," Toph answers.

 _You don't see,_ Sokka's about to say, but Suki steps on his foot hard.

"Alright," Zuko says, melting in Katara's gaze as he always does. Sokka mimes vomiting to Suki, who smirks. "But _be careful,_ alright? There's extra gear in the weapons room, Toph."

"Thanks, Zuko," Toph answers, glancing at some empty spot in the room. "Lead the way?"

Aang makes the mistake of reaching for Toph's arm with a cheery "Of course!" before being subject to an effortless judo-flip. Toph stands over him, smiling.

"I can just follow your footsteps," she says in an angelic tone.

Aang coughs and clutches his stomach. "That works, too," he chokes out.

The two of them eventually walk away, and Zuko turns to the rest of them. "As acting head of the Institute, I have to meet with the head of the Los Angeles vampire clan today, so I'll be busy pretty much all day. So if you guys need anything—"

"No, nope. Won't need anything," Suki says quickly. "Katara—"

"I'm busy, before you ask," Katara says immediately. She doesn't elaborate on the subject. 

Zuko doesn't seem bothered by this. "I guess you guys get to do nothing, then," he says wistfully to Suki and Sokka.

"Jealous?" Sokka asks.

"You wish," he answers before walking away.

"A _whole_ day to kill," Suki says, grinning. Before evening and night patrol anyway. "Beach day?"

 _My favorite kind of day,_ he thinks with a bittersweet satisfaction, and smiles at her. "Beach day."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta we die like jet
> 
> tw//blood and gore near the end of the chapter
> 
> havent update in a while so heres a long chapter as a treat !

With the promise of a day at the beach with Suki lingering in Sokka's mind, he tries to not waste too much time getting ready. His eyes scan the pictures on his wall as he shoves a variety of weapons into his backpack—just in case, of course—and smiles slightly. It's pictures of him and everyone else in the Institute, but Suki appears the most, with Katara as a close second.

Then, of course, there's that taped up print-out of a frog with an angelic power rune inked onto it that Suki had put up years ago and that he'd never bothered to take down.

"Sokka, are you ready to go?" Suki asks from outside his room.

"Yeah," he says, grabbing his backpack and throwing open the door.

"You forgot a shirt," Suki says, looking exasperated.

"Why would I need a shirt at the beach?" he counters, but he turns around all the same to go back into his room and pull one on, having actually forgotten it in his haste to change and get ready. "Okay, we're good."

"You're so stupid," she says, elbowing him in the gut as they walk from the Institute to the beach.

"One of us has to make that sacrifice," he replies with a small smile. "Besides, you're smart enough for the both of us, and I'm pretty enough for the both of us."

Suki's jaw drops and she shoves him. "Dude, how dare you? Seriously, how dare you?"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" he says, fighting off her attacks and wrapping his arms around her to keep her own arms at her sides. She stiffens slightly, and Sokka lets go of her. _You idiot._

"You bring weapons?" she asks, jerking her chin towards his backpack.

"Of course I did."

Suki nods, her untroubled demeanor returning. "That's good."

"Yeah, it is, but I'm hoping we don't run into more of those _cecaelia_ demons again."

She raises her hands. "No, no, nope. I don't even want to think about it, alright? I like to tell myself we wiped out the whole pack."

"There were like, three. That is not the whole pack."

Suki puts a finger to her lips, telling him to shut up, but her smile is barely contained. Sokka thinks he would give anything to kiss her right now, to feel that smile against his own.

Maybe for now, just being able to see it would be enough.

* * *

A while later, Sokka sits next to Suki by the water, picking grains of sand out of the shirt he had taken off some time before. Like before, something seems to be off about Suki, some bigger eternal worry always keeping her far away from him, from earth.

It's recent, and he wants to try and understand what it is. His gut twists with the idea that she might be keeping something from him.

 _You keep stuff from her all the time,_ a small voice in his head reminds him with grim clarity. _If she is keeping things from you, you have no right to be upset over it._

And yet—

He doesn't know. It just feels important, whatever it is that seems to be on her mind all the time. After a moment, he taps her shoulder. "Hey, Suki."

She startles slightly. "What?"

Sokka feels his face get warm. "You're a million miles away."

Her eyes seem slightly glazed, like a thin layer of clouds over the ocean. "I'm right here," she tells him.

He smiles and shakes his head. "That's not what I meant," Sokka says. 

His parabatai rune suddenly burns, and he reaches up to touch his arm. The pain passes, and he swallows. "Remember Max Zhao?"

"Ugh," Suki says in response, rolling her eyes and leaning back to put her weight on her hands. "Yeah. He called you stupid for choosing a girl as a parabatai and I punched him in the nose."

Sokka grins at the memory, the image of Suki's hair flying and her fist colliding with Zhao's face with a sickening crunch still vivid in his mind. "Yeah, him. Hell of a punch."

"I think he pissed himself," Suki proclaims smugly.

"Yeah." He swallows. "I never felt stupid for having a girl as a parabatai. Maybe some other me would have, when I was still some idiot little boy."

Suki elbows him, smiling. "So the way you were when we first met."

Sokka gives her a self-deprecating shrug. "Yeah. But I'm—"

_I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it back and not be your parabatai and just love you._

"I'm really glad you're my parabatai, you know? You're an amazing fighter. Better than me, probably."

She nods. "Yeah."

Sokka lets out an incredulous huff of laughter. _"Oh, Sokka, you're just as good as I am!"_ he says in a high voice to mimic Suki, and her only response is her contagious laughter and her hands pushing him into the sand. Sokka laughs as well, the grains of sand pressing almost painfully into his cheek.

Abruptly, the parabatai rune on his arm starts to burn so awfully that he almost yelps in pain. At the same moment, Suki shoots to her feet.

"What?" he asks, looking up at her with his fingers on top of his rune, hoping to almost obscure it in some way. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she says, and the pain in his rune fades slightly. "I just—" she frowns. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay." Sokka loosens his grip on his arm and sits up. He turns his head and watches her walk over to where they kept their stuff, near the path that leads back to the Institute.

The distant cry of a seagull startles Sokka and he looks back at the sea, his hands twitching in the direction of the seraph blade they had brought to where they were sitting.

Slowly, he lifts a hand to his parabatai rune again, feeling no pain there.

_That can't be good._

He turns his head back to where Suki stands, silently asking whether she's okay. Suki just nods, and smiles as she walks back to him.

"What happened?" he asks when she sits down again.

"Oh, nothing," she says. Sokka glances sideways at her, raising her eyebrows. "No, really!" she says, raising a hand in protest. "It was nothing. I just wanted to go check my phone and see whether any of the others texted."

Sokka knows that's not what happened, but something warns him not to push it. 

"I'm exhausted," Suki says, and immediately yawns. "I don't know why, but it's just one of those days."

"Do you want to skip patrol tonight?" Sokka asks, immediately raising a hand and pressing the back of it to her forehead.

"I don't have a fever," she says indignantly, flicking his hand away, but her expression softens. "But yeah, I don't think I can do it tonight." She sighs. "Now I feel bad."

"I'll just go with Katara and Zuko. They probably need a, uh, chaperone anyway."

Suki lets out a laugh. "Oh, my god. But, like—I don't know. I just feel bad skipping patrol."

"Out of all of us, you spend the most time on demon patrol and that's a _fact,"_ Sokka informs her. "Zuko and his stupid nerd brain sat down and figured it out and it actually is you because you're a try-hard."

"The demons don't stop coming."

"I'll make sure that gets put on your headstone in the Silent City," Sokka says, grinning.

She scoffs. "Assuming I ever die."

He blinks. "Ever?"

Suki nods sagely, then shakes her head. "Actually though, can you imagine being alive forever?"

"If you're a Downworlder, yeah."

"Yeah, but I'm _not_ a Downworlder."

"You look kind of like a vampire if I think about it," Sokka says, taking this statement as an opportunity to look at her. 

"Meaning I look sickly and pale? Wow, Sokka," Suki says, putting a hand to her heart in mock offense. "That's rude."

"It's true."

"Yeah, well, I'm as hot as a vampire," she answers smugly.

"Vampires are _cold."_

Suki rolls her eyes and leans back in the sand, putting her weight on her elbows.

"You sure you're okay?" Sokka asks, putting his chin in his hands.

"Of course," she answers softly. 

Unable to think of anything better to do, Sokka punches her lightly in the shoulder. To his surprise, she doesn't retaliate, just lets out a slightly surprised huff of halfhearted laughter. They sit in silence for a while before Sokka gets up. "I'm going into the water," he tells her. "Can't let our beach day go to waste, can we?"

* * *

Suki retires early that day, so Sokka approaches his sister.

"Hey," he says.

"I don't even want to hear it," Katara says, looking at the expression on his face. "Go _away."_

"That is distinctly unkind," Sokka declares, crossing his arms. "I was just going to ask if I could come on patrol with you and Zuko."

Katara looks up immediately. "Absolutely not."

"You got something to hide?"

"Yeah, I got something to hide! Go bother Suki," Katara says, slamming her palm into Sokka's nose.

"See, now I'm suspicious! How do I know you don't spend all of patrol just making out with Zuko—"

 _"Shut it!"_ Katara yelps, pressing her hands to Sokka's mouth. "Just shut up."

"You are proving my point."

She takes her hands away. "I don't make out with Zuko on patrol. I _patrol."_

"Suspicious," Sokka says in a singsong voice.

Katara sighs. "Please don't come on patrol. There's something I need to talk to him about. _Privately."_

"He's okay, right?" Sokka asks.

"He will be," Katara murmurs. "But that's nunya."

"What's nunya?"

"Nunya business," Katara says, smacking his forehead. "Come on, this is your day off. Just do something else and leave me alone."

Sokka sighs. "If you say so."

His sister grins up at him. "Thank you."

He just tugs on her hair and goes to the kitchen to get something to eat, only to discover Aang and Toph sitting at the table with their heads close together, talking quietly about something.

And then there's this _thing,_ this furry _thing_ right in front of them.

"What are we gonna do?" Aang says in a panicked hiss.

"Keep it," Toph whispers back. "Look, it's so cute."

"You can't even see it!"

"What are you doing?" Sokka asks loudly, causing both Aang and Toph to jump.

The latter looks up, glaring at the refrigerator. "Ugh, I should've heard you coming," she spits.

"What did you guys bring home?"

Aang sighs and relents, grabbing the furry thing and holding it up in front of Sokka. It's a white cat, with glittering green eyes.

"Aww," Sokka says, immediately walking forward and petting it. "It's so cute!"

"It likes you!" Aang says with a large grin, then sighs. "It scratched me when Toph and I rescued it," he adds ruefully.

 _"What?"_ Sokka asks, alarmed. "Where? Let me see."

"I'm _fine,"_ Aang says, hastily backing away. "It's not like a poisonous witch cat or anything."

"You better hope not," Sokka says, but he subconsciously takes the cat into his arms. "Oh, it's so cute."

"I like Appa better," Toph states, putting her feet up on the table. Aang very carefully grabs her ankles and moves her feet back down to the ground.

"Does it have a name?" Sokka asks. He thinks the cat likes being held like a baby.

"His name is Momo," Aang informs him proudly, still holding onto Toph's ankles as she struggles to put her feet on the table again. "Please don't tell Katara and Zuko we brought him."

"Are you _kidding?"_ Toph asks. "You want to hide Momo forever?"

"Yeah, it seems like a shitty idea," Sokka concedes. "They'll find out eventually."

Aang looks horrified. "They'll kill me."

"No, Katara will kill you. Zuko will stand and watch like a trophy husband," Toph amends.

"Husband?" Aang asks, alarmed. Sokka suppresses the urge to laugh. 

"Don't worry," he says. "Katara won't kill you. But she's not going to be super happy about bringing a cat into the Institute."

"We already have Appa, though!"

"Exactly," Sokka says in a dramatic whisper.

Aang huffs. "I'll hide him until tomorrow. Then we'll figure something out."

"You idiots," Sokka sighs. "What will you feed him?"

"Food," Toph replies, rolling her eyes. "And then when we run out of food, I'll feed him Aang if he doesn't let go of my feet right this instant."

In a moment of either pure bravery or pure stupidity, Aang tightens his grip on her ankles. "I don't want your dirty feet on the table."

"They're clean!"

Sokka hears voices and hands Momo to Toph. "Hide it," he hisses.

Toph stops struggling against Aang's grip and holds Momo under the table. Katara and Zuko walk into the kitchen dressed in gear, and Sokka hops onto the table so that his legs will hide Momo from view. "Have fun on patrol, children!" Sokka says as Katara and Zuko head for the door to the garage. 

"Get fucked, Sokka," Katara calls back. Zuko turns back and smiles a little before hurrying forward. 

He waits a few minutes after the sound of the car fades away before turning back to Toph and Aang. "Coast is clear."

Toph sighs. "I think we should just tell the others. I mean, we already have Appa, what's the problem with another cat?"

"My sister will cook you alive," Sokka says decisively before turning on his heel and walking away. "I'm going to bed."

"Night," they say in unison before turning their full attention to the cat. Sokka smiles slightly to himself as he makes his way up to his bedroom, his parabatai rune tingling as he passes Suki's room.

_Another day, another lie._

His smile wavers slightly.

* * *

Sokka wakes before Suki the following morning, and surprisingly, he decides to make his way downstairs. He's barely at the top of the stairs though, when he hears angry voices in the entryway below. Recognizing his sister's infuriated tones, he runs down to the entryway to see her standing in front of Aang and Toph, gesturing wildly towards Momo, who sits in Aang's lap.

"Have you lost your _minds?"_ Katara yells.

"It's not a demon!" Aang yells back. "Come on, Momo is _harmless._ Totally harmless! We should keep him!"

Sokka nods, going to sit on the floor next to Aang and taking Momo into his arms.

"We already have Appa!" Zuko argues, shaking his head. "We don't need anything else!"

"But he already loves us!" Sokka protests, holding the cat up.

"That is not a cat," a voice says, and Sokka turns his head to see Suki standing on the stairs looking disheveled, wearing her gear jacket and carrying a small blade. She lowers it, though, when she fully processes the situation. "I think that's a demon."

Sokka grins. "Hasn't tried to eat me yet!"

"Yeah, _yet,"_ Katara adds. 

"Oh, come on, pet him," he implores, holding Momo out to his sister.

"I'll pass," she says.

"Besides, our Sensor didn't go off when Toph and I found her!" Aang says brightly. "And a Sensor detects demonic activity, so—Momo's not a demon!"

"You _named_ him?" Zuko splutters, aghast.

Aang lets out an indignant huff. "Of course we named him. How would you feel if your parents hadn't named you?"

A small, humorless smirk appears at the corner of Zuko's mouth. "Maybe I would've been better off if they hadn't, because I'm sure my father wanted to name me 'worthless shithead' when I came out of the womb."

"What's with the gear, Suki?" Sokka says, staring at Suki. _Do you have to make it so fucking obvious that she's the only thing you ever pay attention to?_

"What the hell am I supposed to do if I wake up to you idiots yelling as if a demon got into the Institute?" she asks, reaching up to pull her short hair back from her face. Sokka's eyes remain glued to the movement of her fingers, longing to feel them within his own. He misses the next part of the conversation as he just watches her speak, watches her smile—

"—taking the day patrol. Sokka?" 

He meets her expectant gaze and opens his mouth to say something, but Zuko beats him to it. "Katara and I wanted to take day patrol, actually."

Sokka resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Fine, Suki and I will take the overnight patrol, and Toph and Aang can have the evening patrol. You guys did fine last time, right?"

Katara frowns. "They brought home a cat."

"And killed demons," Toph reasons.

Suki walks over to them and nudges Zuko's shoulder with her own. "First Paris, and now the day shift. Must you take everything from me?"

He sighs and smiles at her. "I must."

For one brief, paralyzing moment, Sokka watches the way Suki smiles up at Zuko. In his head, he spins a story where Suki falls in love with him—it would be easy to fall in love with Zuko, Sokka has to admit.

Sokka knows the thought should not bother him—after all, it's pretty obvious that Zuko likes—loves Katara, and besides, Suki would end up with someone else anyway. She would fall in love with someone else, and Sokka would watch from the sidelines.

_But maybe..._

He imagines it, even though he doesn't want to. He imagines life as it is, with the addition of Suki's hands in Zuko's, Suki looking up to kiss Zuko before patrol, before every battle, telling him she loves him—

"I'm going to train," she says, turning her smile from Zuko to Sokka.

"You're always training," he answers, hoping his voice sounds normal.

"So are you," Suki says, and shrugs slightly before pulling her gear jacket off and running upstairs to change. 

"You okay?" Katara asks, having materialized next to him. 

"I'm fine," he answers automatically before turning his face to his sister. "Be careful on patrol, alright?"

"Always am," Katara assures him.

* * *

In the evening, Sokka goes to find Suki in the training room, and for a few moments he remains stationary in the training room. There's something that's been pulling at his conscience for a while, something he's been wanting to tell her.

He swallows and thinks of the way his parabatai rune started aching the other day. It seems like a pretty flimsy excuse to talk to her, but he understands that it could be something important.

_You don't need to look for excuses to have a conversation with her. She's your parabatai—you can talk to her about anything, can you?_

"Hey," he says, making her pause in front of the leather punching bag she stands in front of. She turns around, pushing hair away from her forehead with bloodied knuckles. He doesn't understand why, but Suki seems to never want to put healing runes on any minor injuries she sustains during training. 

"Hi, Sokka," she answers, her expression turning slightly hopeful. "Are you training with me?"

"Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something first."

She glances at her hands. "I could take a break."

He nods and tosses her a roll of bandages for her hands. "It's about my parabatai rune."

Maybe Sokka imagines it, but Suki hesitates for half of a second. "What about it?"

"It—"

He's suddenly seized with the desire to see her face, and he tilts his own head so that he can see her glittering eyes. Her expression is impassive, marred with just a touch of clinical curiosity.

"You know what?" he murmurs, swallowing. "It's probably nothing."

Suki lifts her hands to examine her bandages. "Well, now you can't just leave me hanging like that. And now I want to know."

"It's not a big deal. I swear, Suki."

She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. "If it is, you'll tell me. Because we're _parabatai._ Yeah?"

"Yeah," he mutters, gently shrugging off her hand. _Sh_ _e knows,_ he thinks. _She_ _knows what's been happening to me and what I've been thinking about her_ _and she_ _doesn't want to be my parabatai anymore._

Suki looks away. "Have Toph and Aang left for their patrol yet?"

"They have, but Katara and Zuko aren't back yet."

Suki grins and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at him. 

"Oh, _god,"_ Sokka says, putting his face in his hands. "I don't even want to think about what they might be doing."

"They might not even be doing anything like that," Suki assures him. "Maybe they're on a date or something."

Sokka looks up. "Zuko on a date—with my sister?"

Suki lets out a sigh of mock sympathy. "I know, I know. I know you wanted to be the one to go on dates with Zuko."

He shrugs. "I was still a better choice than the last girl he dated. What was her name?"

"Mai. And she was actually _nice!"_

"She carried knives everywhere!"

Suki rolls her eyes. "We're _Shadowhunters,_ Sokka. Everyone does that. She's really cool. And sweet, if I really think about it."

Sokka frowns. "She was only ever rude to me."

"Yeah, well, that's your problem, not hers. You're infuriating. It's a wonder she didn't actually kill you with her knives."

"Parabatai are meant to be supportive of each other," Sokka reminds her.

"Didn't know you were such a _sissy,_ Sokka."

He frowns. "Are Shadowhunters legally allowed to be sissies? I think that would kind of ruin the whole—angel-human demon hunter warrior hero aesthetic."

"If it's illegal then you've definitely broken the Law a million times," Suki tells him. "The Law is hard—" she sing-songs.

"—but it is the Law," Sokka finishes, and he tries to not glance at the door. "The Law kind of sucks sometimes, doesn't it?"

"And now you sound like a Blackthorn," she tells him with a gentle smile. 

He makes a split second decision. "You know what?" Sokka sighs. "I will train. It's been a while since I punched something, since you didn't let me punch Zuko yesterday morning."

"Oh, _sorry,"_ Suki mutters, then looks up. "You wanna spar me?"

Sokka freezes. "Absolutely not."

"Everybody gets beat up sometimes!" she protests.

"Yes, but you beat me up _every time,"_ Sokka sighs. "I'm a good Shadowhunter. But I'm not as good as you, Suki." This is all true, of course. But there's something else stopping him from sparring her, something else that's always been there. Maybe it is the vague memory of her calculating eyes as she reaches for him, her gentle laugh as they hit the floor together. 

"Thanks, Sokka," she says. "But we're parabatai. Which means you're just as good as me."

"In general, maybe," he says. "Definitely not in sparring."

She grins. "Yeah, okay." And for the millionth time, he wants to lean forward and kiss her, put an end to the endless wanting and worrying and waiting and surrender himself to the illusion of being loved.

* * *

"Bit chilly tonight, isn't it?" Sokka mutters, walking down the deserted alley. "It's only July and it's _California._ Makes no sense."

 _"Sis-sy,"_ Suki murmurs, elbowing him in the gut. "Bothered by a little cold?"

"I'm high-maintenance," he says in a matter-of-fact tone. "Of course I'm bothered by a little cold."

Something in the pocket of Suki's gear pants begins to pulse and buzz. 

"Phone?" Sokka asks, looking up, his fingers reaching for the hilt of his seraph blade.

"Sensor," Suki replies, lowering her voice as she pulls out a seraph blade, the glowing blades that are the only ones you can use to kill most demons with one strike. _"Nuriel,"_ she murmurs, saying the name of an angel in order to properly ignite and activate the blade. The blade bursts into life, illuminating the dark alley. It casts a silvery glow across her face, pulling the color out of her eyes and turning them to the color of snow.

"I always liked watching you do that," Sokka says appreciatively, pulling out his own seraph blade. _"Ananiel."_

And then the demons become visible, coming slowly into the light of their blades. They're these awful moth-like things, and he hears Suki exhale softly.

"Jesus _Christ,"_ Sokka mutters. Two big fucking moth demons. "I hate moth demons."

"Me, too," Suki tells him before they leap into the fight together.

The demons spit acid, burning spots into the pavement. "And they smell horrible, too!" Sokka yells, dodging a large talon and weaving through two columns of acidic spit to try and get to the body of the demon. Suki's nearly knocked over by one of the giant wings of her own demon, and she ducks. In a moment of clarity, Sokka drives his blade up into the body of the moth demon, watching as it explodes into a shower of dust and ichor.

He turns to Suki, expecting to see her kill her own demon. And she almost does.

Almost.

An apocalyptic pain pierces through his arm just as he watches the demon cut Suki's stomach open like she's made of paper. Someone yells—Sokka thinks it's his own voice. He leaps forward, transferring his blade to his good arm, cutting through the demon.

It takes a few hits, but he finally kills it. He then turns to Suki, who had been knocked away, lying on the pavement.

"Su," he murmurs, his voice breathless with pain and panic. "Suki."

She doesn't seem to hear him.

Sokka goes over to her body. She's still breathing, and he lets out a shaky breath. He drags her to the nearest wall and props her up against it. "Hey. What the _hell?_ You had that, Suki," he murmurs, hastily pushing away her torn gear jacket and lifting the shirt underneath to look at the gaping wound. "Oh, god," he says, trying to press his hands to the blood flowing copiously down her stomach. "Jesus Christ. Jesus _fucking_ Christ." _Suki, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this._

"Stele," she says, and his heart drops at how faint her voice sounds. "Get your stele and draw a healing rune."

With shaking hands he reaches into his pocket, withdrawing the small, wandlike object they use to draw the runes. "What happened, huh? You had it. You could've killed it easily." He wishes his hands would stop _fucking_ shaking, but it doesn't happen. He tries to breathe, but no air comes. On some dull level, he's aware of the pain she's in, but he can't get stuck on that now. He has to help her. He has to save her.

He draws an _iratze_ on the wound. It fades immediately, which means one of two things—either the person is already dead, or the wound is too bad for it to be healed by the rune.

_No. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO—_

"M—maybe your hands were shaking too much for you to draw it right," she tries to assure him, but blood trickles out of her mouth when she opens it, making her stumble over her words. "Draw it again."

"It's poisoned," he realizes. The skin around her wounds have gone green.

"Draw it _again,"_ Suki repeats.

"Right," Sokka breathes. "Right."

He draws the rune again, and they watch it fade into her skin.

"No, no, _no,"_ he mumbles under his breath. _"No."_

"No," Suki murmurs, and Sokka can feel her faint breath against his cheek. "We—we can do it. You and me. We're always stronger when we're together." She reaches up and puts her hand around his, and it's like someone has delivered an electric shock straight to his heart. "Draw it again."

Sokka holds her gaze with his own as together, they begin to move the stele again. "It's working," she says. "Sokka, I can feel it working." Pieces of her skin, stitching together slowly. 

On her stomach, the healing rune begins to glow.

"Sokka," she says again, leaning forward and letting her head fall against his shoulder. "It's working."

His thumb digs into her hand as they complete the rune together, and it glows long after he lifts his stele. He watches as her eyes seem to slide back into focus, shining as brightly as the moon. 

"Didn't know about that trick," he says when he finally gathers the courage to speak. Every instinct of pretense and nonchalance melts away, and he draws her into his arms, mumbling her name into her hair. Sokka allows himself a few seconds before pulling away. "What the _hell_ happened, huh? That demon was _nothing_ for you."

"Sokka, I..."

She just stares at him, her lips slightly parted. "Our shift's almost over," she says after a moment.

Sokka swallows. "Can you stand?"

"I think so," she replies, and with alarming grace and speed for someone who just got cut open, she pushes herself up. He knows something isn't right about this. He _knows_ that it isn't normal. 

"You know I'm not going to just forget about this, right?" Sokka tells her. "I'm gonna find out what happened because that? Back there? That wasn't you."

"So what do you suggest?" she asks tiredly.

He rubs the back of his neck, glancing at her torn gear jacket. "We go see the Silent Brothers."

"No!" she exclaims immediately. "I mean—no. That's not necessary."

Sokka glances sideways at her. "If you're hiding something, Suki, I'm the best out of all people that you should tell. You know that, don't you?"

"It's not that I'm hiding something," she says sharply. "I just don't like the Silent Brothers, alright? They scare me."

He reaches out and grabs her wrist, forcing her to look at him. Her face is as beautiful and defiant as ever.

"You're not scared of anything, Suki," Sokka says softly.

"Also true," she answers, pulling her hand out of his grasp. "Just—trust me on this one, Sokka. I don't want to see the Silent Brothers."

"So tell me what happened," he counters. It's a stalemate now.

A muscle in her jaw twitches. The tell-tale sign that she's about to lie. "You know how I'm always getting injured and forgetting about it," she says, averting her gaze to make it seem as though she's embarrassed about it. "I think I might've screwed up my hip on a demon patrol."

"I think if you had a broken hip, you would've noticed earlier."

"I never said it was broken," she mutters, fishing out the Institute car keys and unlocking the car when they approach it a few blocks later. As she climbs into the car, trying to not get blood on the upholstery, she turns to look at Sokka. "Besides, whatever spooky parabatai magic we did back there must've fixed it."

This doesn't convince Sokka, not in the slightest. "Seems pretty convenient to me."

"I'm not lying to you, Sokka."

_You are. But what right do I have, of all people, to be angry about that?_

"No, I guess you aren't," he sighs, starting the car. "What do you want to tell the others when you get to the Institute looking like this?"

"I'll tell them the truth. I'll tell them that we had a problem with a demon at the end of our shift, and I got injured. It looks bad, but you healed me with an _iratze."_

Sokka smiles, but it is strained. "So I guess we aren't going to tell them about how severe the injury was and the part where the rune didn't work?"

"Selective truth, Sokka."

"Right."

For the first time in a long time, they spend the car ride back to the Institute in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

There are some mornings where nothing really feels real. Where it's hard for him to remember where he is, what happened, and what he'll do next.

Slowly, Sokka opens his eyes. He remembers washing his hands, Suki's blood slipping off of his fingers—

He sits up. The real enemy in the end is his own emotions—this is the lesson that all Nephilim are taught. And today is a day like any other—another patrol, another fight, another repetition of the routine. 

Sokka thinks of the healing runes fading on Suki's skin, all of the blood and the way he could almost feel how much she was hurting.

She won't die. She's too smart for that. Too good, too fast, too observant. She's the best damn Shadowhunter Sokka has ever known, and last night still happened.

 _Everyone makes mistakes,_ he can almost hear her saying softly in his ear as he gets ready for the day. 

_Not us. Not Nephilim. Not—_

_Not you._

No, it won't happen again. It can't happen again. He can't see her like that again, skin turning pale and bright blood coming out of her mouth. It can't be like that again.

And Sokka doesn't know if he can repeat what they had done. He isn't sure whether the two of them could magically bring her back from the brink of death again—something tells him that it was some cosmic fluke, a warning for it to never happen again.

She was so beautiful, even then. Her face lit by the soft glow of the healing rune.

Sokka grits his teeth. _Runes don't glow. Runes don't work the way we made it work._

And as much as it pains him to admit it, he knows that Suki should be dead right now.

* * *

All things considered, Suki just seems to nonchalant for having almost died last night. Sokka knows that death is a natural part of life as Nephilim—many Shadowhunters died young—but there was something different about this. It seemed like such a simple way to go—too simple. 

She stares straight ahead as she drives to their patrol sector, uncharacteristically silent. Nonchalant, unworried, but a little quiet all the same. Almost like she's afraid of saying anything to him. 

"Suki?" he asks softly. Her fingers twitch on the wheel. 

"Yeah? What's up?" she asks, her voice steady.

He's suddenly quite unsure of what to say. "Things are weird."

"In general?"

Sokka shrugs, shaking hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, I guess. With everything going on in Idris and with Zuko's dad. But also a bit with us." His parabatai rune starts to sting and ache, and a muscle in Suki's jaw twitches.

"Well," she starts, her throat bobbing, "what makes you say that, Sokka?"

"You're being so _clinical_ with me, Suki," he says, turning his head to look at her. _This isn't how we're supposed to be, alright? Things are supposed to be normal, comfortable, easy. We're supposed to be normal with each other and trust each other._ "Like—you don't have to be so formal, alright? Feels like I'm losing you a little."

Suki's hands are nearly paper-white on the steering wheel. "You're not losing me, Sokka. But at the same time..." She glances sideways. "Sokka, don't you ever think about how the older we get, the farther we'll be?"

Of all the things she could have said, Sokka wasn't expecting it to be this. "We're parabatai, Suki. We won't ever really—"

"I know," she interrupts. "We're always going to be parabatai. But we're not always going to be kids." She looks back at the road. "I mean, I'm guessing you'll probably get married at some point, and I—I will, too. And even though we're parabatai, we'll eventually have our own lives. It's not always going to be just _us."_

While Sokka isn't convinced that this was really what was on her mind, the thought still bothers him. Love, marriage—all things that don't really seem real to him. The mere idea of a life without Suki seems like a vaguely remembered nightmare. "Suki, I—marriage is—it's—" He trails off, spluttering. "I never—I never thought we would be worrying about that now. Or for a really long time."

"You're gonna fall in love with someone at some point," Suki sighs.

His heart sinks. "Why are we talking about this?"

She relaxes her grip on the steering wheel, just slightly. "I'm just saying that—maybe me not talking to you as much is a natural part of growing up. Look, Sokka, I'm not hiding anything from you."

Sokka exhales softly. "Aren't you?"

"No. But both of us hate codependency."

The thought is bizarre. "Being parabatai isn't the same as _codependency,_ Suki."

"I know—I'm sorry. This is just coming out all wrong," she says in one breath, shaking her head. "I don't mean for it to be this way. But sometimes I don't spend as much time with you and it's natural."

"I'm not being clingy. I know we have our own lives, even if they're so closely tied together. But you have to understand that I'll be worried about you if you suddenly start to act like you can't stand to look at me."

She lets out a sharp huff of breath. "It's not like that, Sokka!" she protests. "And I'm _not_ acting like that."

He doesn't want to scare her off, so he retreats. "Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration. But I can see it going that way. It makes me sad, but I—I've come to terms with the fact that you and I won't always be this close. But I just don't want you to be a total stranger to me."

"You know me, Sokka. I'm never gonna be a stranger to you."

He glances at her, trying to read her mind as he often does. Usually it is easy—lately, not so much, obviously. "No," he sighs, defeated. "I guess you won't be."

A flash of regret crosses her eyes. "Don't overthink it, Sokka," she says quietly. "I'm right here, okay? I always will be."

"I know, Suki."

The next minute or so passes in silence.

"Sokka, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, duh."

She looks at him before looking back to the road ahead. Above them, the Los Angeles sun burns, tinging everything in a hazy golden glow. "Do you ever regret being my parabatai?"

Every single nerve in his body begs him to change the subject, to run away from the mess this situation could become. It's not like he can't tell Suki smaller lies and get away with it, but the thought makes him panic anyway. "Absolutely not," he says immediately, his hand instinctively going to the rune on his arm. "Why would you ever even ask that?"

She grins, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"I was just wondering, dude."

He laughs, hoping it doesn't sound as nervous as he is on the inside. "Scared me for a minute there, Suki." Curiosity gets the better of him, and he looks sideways to watch her carefully. "I suppose you don't regret it, do you?"

Suki's answer is immediate and decisive. "I don't."

She's lying, and he knows it. He's not sure whether his confidence comes from being able to read her so well, or whether it comes from him _wanting_ it to be a lie. She's lying to him, and for once, he's reckless enough to call her on it. "You do."

She shakes her head, smiling again, but it's strained. "Sokka, becoming your parabatai is one of the best choices I've ever made."

"Is this why you're not avoiding me?"

Suki glances at him, alarmed. "Sokka—"

"I know you _so_ much better than that," he says, his joking manner gone. "Suki, did you really think you had me fooled back there?" He knows he's pushing too hard right now, but everything is too crazy and stressful for him to be thinking straight.

She laughs slightly, but there's no humor behind it. "Yeah."

"Don't joke around, Suki, for _once,"_ he pleads. He wishes desperately that he could undo the last few days, and go back to a state of normalcy.

Suki just rolls her eyes, and it infuriates him. "I'm not the _comedian_ here, Sokka. I mean, I am extremely funny, probably much funnier than you—"

"Suki, just be serious with me!" he interrupts. "There's something going on with you and I don't—I'm just trying to be there for you! But these past few days you've just been hiding something from me and you _have_ been looking at me as if it makes your entire body hurt. I don't know if you realize that, but it's true." He shakes his head. "Suki, it's actually not just the past few days. It's like one day you woke up and you realized that you couldn't stand me anymore."

"That's not true."

"So _tell_ me the truth."

She looks at him, and his heart starts to pound. _What if?_

_What if you tell me that you love me? What if you feel the same way I do and everything that I've thought and everything I've felt about you would finally mean something?_

"There's no truth to tell," she says, and his brief daydream melts away. "You're just misunderstanding the whole thing."

Maybe he is. He has to remind himself that it's not about love, not about how he feels about her. It's not about their relationship, not at all. This, right here, right now, is about the fact that Suki's hiding something bad from him, that she almost died because of something that he can't even begin to try and understand. It's not about him, or even just them. It's about her, and it doesn't matter that he always seems to be on the verge of telling her that he's in love with her. It's just about her, and he can't forget that.

He exhales softly. "I used to be able to take one look at you and just know what was going on in your head. Now it's like I don't know you at all."

"For _god's_ sake, Sokka—"

"Forget it," he says quietly. "Maybe you're right, maybe I am. All I wanted was for you to be honest with me, and I know that isn't happening right now. Believe me, I've known you long enough to know when you're lying to me about something. I wish I knew what it was."

Suki takes a breath. "I'm having an affair."

Sokka almost laughs until he remembers that he's supposed to be upset with her. _"Suki."_

"I'm pregnant."

"Suki, come on."

She looks at him. "I reestablished the Soviet Union," she says, deathly serious.

"Please."

Suki looks back at the road, but takes one hand off the wheel to put it on Sokka's shoulder. The touch has the same effect as pouring pure energy into his veins, sharpening all of his senses. "Okay. You're right. It's not as serious as you think it is, but there is something that's been bothering me, and it's just the whole thing about how we'll eventually grow apart. I'm just overthinking it, dude. You know how I tend to get way into my head about things."

Yet another unsatisfactory answer. Feeling defeated, he slumps slightly. "Yeah, I do."

"Have a little more faith in me, Sokka," she says with a slight laugh. "Yeah?"

Sokka nods and tilts his head down. "Yeah."

* * *

The rest of the day is, fortunately, uneventful. It's a relatively quiet demon patrol, but Sokka can't help but watch Suki carefully throughout the day. He knows damn well that she doesn't need anyone to look after her, but after last night...

He tries to not think about it. Sokka always starts to feel sick if he does.

Of course, she disappears as soon as they get home. Shutting herself in her room, so close to him and yet so far away.

Sighing, he heads into the kitchen to get food. The modern structure of the Institute caused the kitchen to be facing the ocean, the view visible of a wall of entirely glass. He's just drinking a glass of water when Toph and Aang wander in, talking in hushed voices.

"Hey, guys," Sokka says, turning around. "Do you want dinner?"

"Sure," Aang answers. 

Sokka turns around and starts to heat up food for the three of them. "So, Toph," he says, taking out plates, "how are you finding the Institute?"

"It's nice," she answers, startlingly sincere. "I like being here. And with you guys."

"That's nice to hear," he answers absentmindedly, handing the plates of food to them. "We don't have a lot of people like most Institutes do, but it's nice. Easier for us to fit in but—sometimes harder for us to stand each other."

"True," Aang says sagely. "The only person Sokka can stand here is Suki and his sister on occasion."

"Sokka can't stand Suki at the moment," Toph says, staring thoughtfully at a spot on the table to the left of her food. 

"How'd you know?" Aang asks indignantly.

"Because I can read all of you like a book."

"You can't read," Sokka reminds her. 

"Not words," Toph huffs. "But people—I have a lot of practice reading people. When you don't see their expressions and their body language, you have to depend entirely on tone to figure out how they feel. Even the most controlled, cold-hearted spy type person is going to have some audible changes when talking about different things."

"So you've got bat ears, basically," Aang asks, lifting his fork.

"Yes," she answers with a smirk. "It's pretty cool."

"A little scary," Sokka says with a small laugh. "But sure. Cool."

"If it helps, she can't stand you either, I think," Toph continues casually, taking a bite of her food. 

"What, did she talk to you about me or something?" Sokka asks suddenly, looking up.

"Oh, no, that one's obvious. She's been avoiding you ever since you guys got back from patrol."

"I know—ah, never mind," he sighs. "You know, you two are the youngest and yet somehow manage to have the most common sense when it comes to other people. Why can't you crazy idiots use that in your own life?"

"Coaches never play," Aang answers smugly. 

"Yeah, yeah," Sokka answers, waving his hand. "Well, I'm gonna go. You guys don't do anything stupid."

"He won't, not as long as I'm here," Toph assures him.

"I was talking about both of you," he says, quickly rinsing his dish and sticking it in the dishwasher. 

He isn't sleepy or tired at all. It's late, late enough for Suki to have gone to bed by now. He goes to the library, finding his favorite spot near the back and singing into the abstractly shaped couch. 

_What happened?_

_Why is this happening?_

He has lived for years and years as Suki's parabatai and being able to hide his feelings for her. Why is it so hard now?

_Because you're a hypocrite. As soon as she started lying to you the way you lie to her, everything changed._

He shakes his head. It's wrong—everything about this whole situation is wrong.

Sokka can't think about that now. He can't be distracted by that now.

The one thing he _does_ need to figure it out, is what the hell had happened to Suki that night. He knows he shouldn't be making such a big deal out if it, but he can't walk away and accept that the issue has been resolved. Parabatai were absolutely not supposed to be able to do what they did, and he _knows._ He knows because he's spent countless nights staying up reading everything that the Nephilim have ever wrote on parabatai, trying to find out why they could not be in love.

Sokka wraps his arms around himself, letting his chin fall forward on his chest. 

_How could it have happened?_

_What could have possibly made her freeze in the middle of a fight like that?_

He runs through the night in his head, over and over. There's some detail that he must be forgetting, being buried under the sheer panic that holds prominence in his memory of that night. There's something...

_Something—_

He sits up, blinking. His parabatai rune.

It had hurt—an apocalyptic, all-encompassing pain. And he hopes to whatever gods exist that he isn't imagining the memory of Suki's face contorting in pain... _before_ she had been hit by the demon.

Her rune. It had to have been. She had to have felt that same, sudden alarming pain. That's the only thing that would make her freeze like that.

Sokka leans forward and puts his head in his hands, and he doesn't go up to bed that night.

* * *

He's sitting downstairs in one of the smaller rooms in the lower level of the Institute after breakfast, up early. Suki comes downstairs, tilting her head to the side as she spots him. "Sokka? You're never up this early."

"What's going on with your parabatai rune?" he blurts. Sokka isn't interested in wasting time now.

She blinks. "What?"

"I've been trying to figure out what's been going on with you. And I've been thinking and thinking about your behavior, and the time when that demon nearly _killed you—"_ He shakes his head, trying and failing to keep his breathing even. "Be honest with me, Su. _Please."_

"Sokka." Her voice is breathless, and achingly hurt.

"Don't deny it," he breathes. "That day on the beach, and that night on patrol. You held it as if it was like, set on fire or something. And I've seen you touch it so many times since then reflexively when it started hurting and you didn't even notice."

"You're my parabatai," she says defensively. "Have you felt it?"

_Say yes. Just say yes and resolve the issue and—_

He looks up, staring at her. "No."

"No," she repeats, her face marred with disbelief.

"Suki, come on! I thought that you and I agreed to be on the same level here, but I was right! Something is going on here and you won't tell me, you won't talk to me, you won't listen to me, you won't even take me _seriously—"_

"Oh, don't be so offended, Sokka," she snaps. "Not everything is about you."

This hurts him in a way that he can barely even comprehend.

Sokka scoffs. "Oh, this is _not_ that. Stop twisting the situation."

"I'm not twisting the situation!" Suki protests, her eyes shining with anger.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he hisses. "It doesn't seem like something illegal, so why couldn't you just tell me that it was hurting!"

"Oh, for god's sake—"

"I seriously don't know you anymore," he mutters. "Okay. Maybe you had a reason to hide it from me. But you continued to lie about it, and I don't understand why." _You do. You understand it more than anyone could ever imagine._

"Why are you acting so _wounded,_ Sokka?" she spits, crossing her arms. He's seen her angry before, but never at him. Never like this.

"Because you and I, we're supposed to trust each other with this sort of thing!" he exclaims. "This is serious, alright? Something could be seriously wrong, and you're having some sort of _crisis_ that's made it impossible for you to talk to me right most of the time."

"You're being stupid," she says decisively. "And dramatic."

"Yeah, right." Sokka shoots to his feet. His whole world is spinning too fast, and he's lost all control on what he had planned to say. "Let something horrible happen to you and see if I care."

"Oh, eat _shit,_ Sokka."

"You—!" He shakes his head. "You're—you shouldn't have lied to me."

"Oh, grow up. People lie all the time," she snipes.

"Not to their parabatai," he shoots back. "Not to their best friend."

_I know you don't love me the way I love you, but you could at least act like you care._

"Sokka."

"Just fucking forget it," he sighs, and Suki's lips part. Sokka knows why she's shocked; he never swears at her, not seriously. "You wanna lie to me about big things? Fine. I don't give a shit anymore. Do whatever you want, Su."

"Don't—"

"Don't tell me anything," Sokka tells her, getting up to turn his back on her and walk upstairs. "I'm going back to bed."

And he leaves her standing alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BITCHESSSSS

_"Tell me one thing that you won't ever tell anyone else."_

_Suki doesn't look away from the mirror, observing her newly cut hair. "I already do that."_

_"Well, yeah, but like, tell me a secret. A real one."_

_"What, so you can snitch to your sister or hold it over my head? No, thank you."_

_Sokka scoffs. "Come on, Suki. Snitch code. We discussed this."_

_"No, you just lectured me on it and I didn't bother to listen." She tugs on her hair. "Do you think I cut it too short?"_

_"Looks badass," he says impatiently, waving his hand. "Come on. Snitch code! So if Aang tells you something about me, you'll snitch to me. But if I say something bad about Aang—which I obviously won't—you won't snitch to him. Snitch priority."_

_"Snitch, snitch, snitch," Suki mutters, tilting her head and reaching up to grasp a lock of her in between her fingers. "Fine. You want a real secret?"_

_"Yeah."_

_She looks at him, dead serious. "I didn't like the Force Awakens."_

_Sokka huffs. "That is not a secret. You complained about it for weeks after we watched it."_

_Suki shrugs. "I don't have any secrets to tell. I mean, I have secrets, but you already know all of them."_

_"All of them?"_

_"Pretty much." She looks back at the mirror. "Are you sure I didn't cut it too short?"_

_"I'm sure," he says. "Pretty much?"_

_"Why do you wanna know so bad?" Suki asks him with a small laugh. "Like, I know we're parabatai, but we don't have to tell each other_ everything. _You know? You don't tell me everything?"_

_"That's true," he says. "That is very true."_

_She glances sideways at him frowning. "Is it now?"_

_He reaches out to slap her shoulder. "I'm just messing with you."_

_"Right."_

_"And I'm not asking to know everything, necessarily—I'm just asking for one secret. Us telling each other things is so normal, I just wanna know what it's like for you to like, genuinely tell me a secret."_

_She braces her elbows on the countertop of the bathroom and puts her chin in her hands. "Okay. Well, I have to think about it a little bit. It's honestly hard for me to think of something I haven't told you."_

_"I mean, that's nice," Sokka says. "But also boring."_

_"Great, I'll start telling you nothing then. Add some excitement to your horrendously boring life."_

_"No, no, no, that isn't necessary," he says hastily, raising his hands in surrender. "Just think of something, c'mon."_

_"Ooh," she says, straightening and turning to lean against the counter and look at him. "You remember how Zuko came to Institute a bit before we became parabatai?"_

_Sokka nods and shrugs lightly. "Yeah."_

_"Okay, well, we became like really good friends. And he was cute, right?"_

_"I guess?"_

_"Okay, well. A few nights after my fifteenth birthday, we were hanging out. Right?"_

_"You were? I mean—right."_

_"So we were playing Would You Rather, and he said, 'would you rather kiss me or jump off of the roof of the Institute?' And I didn't wanna ruin my dress because it would probably get dirty on landing, and I didn't feel like changing, so I kissed him."_

_Sokka can think of several things to say in response to this. Although, for a few seconds, he just opens and closes his mouth, shaking his head. When he finally gains the ability to speak, he looks up. "Your reason for not wanting to jump off the Institute was the fact that you didn't want to... ruin your dress?"_

_"Well, what other reason would I have?" she asks indignantly._

_"Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that you could've broken your bones or something?"_

_"Oh, please," she says. "I wouldn't. I'm a Shadowhunter. Plus, I'd land on the sand."_

_The second part of this story finally registers in Sokka's brain. "You kissed Zuko?"_

_She turns red. "Well—yeah."_

_"Was he good?"_

_"Sokka!"_

_"I'm genuinely curious!"_

_"I mean—he was, I think? I don't know, I only kissed him for fifteen seconds—"_

_"FIFTEEN WHOLE SECONDS?" Sokka exclaims. "WITH TONGUE?"_

_"I knew I shouldn't have told you!" she yells back, her tone permeated with self-conscious laughter. "Oh, this is so awkward."_

_"Did you like him?"_

_"Not really," she admits. "But I'd rather kiss him than potentially die. Or get my dress dirty."_

_Sokka starts to laugh in earnest now. "Oh, my god. You had your first kiss and didn't even tell me?"_

_"Yeah, because you'd laugh at me! Look, you're laughing right now!"_

_"I'm sorry," he says, but this only makes him laugh harder. A part of him feels a little resentful that she didn't tell him—or just because she even kissed Zuko in the first place, but it's impossible to stay mad at her when they're here, together, sharing smiles that live just between the two of them. This is one of a million signs that he can never tell Suki how she feels, but he can worry about that later._

_There's a lot he should be concerned about now, but it would have to happen later. Now, there has to be only them. Suki and Sokka, immortalized in fading memories._

* * *

Someone's knocking on his door. He can tell when it's Suki and when it isn't, but he can't tell who it is if it's not his parabatai.

Fortunately or unfortunately, it isn't her. So he sits up in bed and pulls the hood of his sweatshirt down. "Come in."

His sister walks into the room. "What are you moping about?"

"I'm not feeling well," he says.

Katara sighs and goes to sit on the edge of the bed. "What's up with you and Suki?"

"I don't know," he says. "Things are just weird. I don't really wanna elaborate."

Katara nods and reaches out to pat his shoulder. "You guys will figure it out. I think."

"Right. What's up with you and Zuko?"

"Your mom."

"Hey, she was your mom, too."

"Right," she says, before sighing and looking sideways at him. "I miss Mom sometimes."

Sokka blinks. "We barely remember her."

"I know. But I can kind of vaguely remember her being there, you know? I miss that." Katara plays with his blanket. "I mean, she died like every other Shadowhunter did, you know? But I still wish she was here."

"Yeah. Me, too," he says. 

"Anyways," she says. "I'm sorry. I know we don't talk about Mom or Dad a lot."

"It's okay," he says. 

"I just killed the vibe, didn't I?" Katara asks with a rueful grin. 

"A bit, yeah," he admits. "You're kinda stupid like that."

Katara looks sideways at him. "This morning, when I was asking Suki what happened, I kind of told her that it was probably your fault."

Sokka sits up. "The fuck was that for, piss wad?"

She huffs. "It was an educated guess, shit biscuit!"

He leans away from his sister. "It wasn't—maybe we were both at fault. I feel like neither of us have been honest with each other."

"About what?"

When he doesn't answer, Katara sighs and hesitantly slaps his knee. "Okay, that's none of my business—"

"No, it's just—"

"It's a parabatai thing," she answers, but she looks a little sad. "I'm not supposed to get in the middle of it."

She rises from the bed and smiles at him. "You might wanna get up, though. You can't be sad forever."

Sokka snorts.

* * *

He feels better the following morning, having managed to avoid Suki this entire time. Perks of having a big Institute, he supposes.

Katara and Zuko are in the kitchen together, with both of them fortunately entirely clothed. "Hey," Zuko says, offering him a small smile when he walks into the kitchen. "Done crying?"

"I was _not_ crying!" Sokka proclaims with a helpless laugh.

"It's okay, it's healthy to cry," Zuko continues, his grin widening. 

"I'll hit you," Sokka tells him, flicking Katara hard on the ear as he walks past her. "Hey, Katara, you wanna take day patrol today?"

She looks surprised, but nods. "Sure."

"Stay away from the beaches," Zuko says. "I want to patrol there today."

"California shitbug," Katara says affectionately, and Sokka resists the urge to gag. She pulls her stele out of her pocket and begins to draw runes on herself, and within a few minutes, they're out of the house.

"How about I guess what happened with Suki?"

Sokka swallows. The issue with the runes seems like something that should be kept a secret, but everything else...

His hands are tight on the wheel. "Sure."

Katara crosses her arms. "Suki's dating someone else."

Sokka swallows. "Why would that bother me?"

"I don't know, maybe she didn't tell you about it."

He looks sideways at his sister. "That's not it."

Katara shrugs. "Okay, maybe she doesn't want to be your parabatai anymore."

"Nice try, but no. Besides, there's no way we could solve that problem."

"Exactly! It was a good guess," Katara sighs. "She... god, I don't know what else it could be. What has possibly created _trouble in paradise?"_

"It's not some couple thing," Sokka says immediately. "We're not—we're not a couple."

"You're a couple of idiots," she mutters, then shrugs again. "Seriously, I don't know. You and Suki are best friends. Forget parabatai—you guys are so close without that. I don't understand what could have possibly made it this bad."

"Maybe we just need a break from each other every once in a while," Sokka answers.

"Yeah, I know. That's how it is with all friendships. And I know what that looks with you and Suki. Considerably less talking, yeah, but it seems like you guys can't even look each other in the eye right now. What happened?"

They reach their patrol spot and Sokka just asks her to get out of the car and remember her seraph blades. She obliges with a slightly annoyed huff, but she doesn't push it anymore.

* * *

They're driving back home when Sokka sighs and takes an exit off the highway, pulling into an empty parking lot.

"What?" Katara asks.

"I'm in love with Suki," he says. 

Katara doesn't say anything for a minute, and Sokka turns to look at her.

"Okay," she says finally.

"Okay? That's all?"

"Yeah, that's all," she replies. 

"Katara."

"She doesn't feel the same and that's the problem here, right?" Katara says, putting her hands in her lap.

"No, it's just—she doesn't know how I feel. And I feel like she's hiding something from me and I don't know what it is, but I feel like I don't have a right to be angry or worried because I'm hiding this huge thing from her!" He sighs and tilts his head back. "I've been hiding this from her for so long."

Katara's lips part slightly. "How long, Sokka?"

He closes his eyes. "Since the parabatai ceremony," he breathes.

"Fuck," Katara mutters. "You've—you've been in love with her for four years, Sokka? And you managed to hide it from everyone for that long?"

"You know I can't feel that way about her," he groans, then sits up. "Parabatai can't—look, I don't really know why, but parabatai can't fall in love. I don't know. Maybe it's not even a big thing, but lately it feels like Suki and I are always on the edge of having something really bad happen to us. And I don't know what it is."

"Why'd you tell me?" Katara asks. "If it's meant to be such a secret—"

"Because you're my sister," he answers. "And I love you. Do I need any other reason?"

"Yeah, but. Never mind."

"I didn't tell you earlier because I guess part of me still believed that those feelings would go away. Somehow—someday."

"And now you think they won't?"

"I know they won't." Sokka puts his face in his hands. "I am so in love with Suki, and god, I wish I wasn't. I wish with all my heart that I wasn't, but that's still not enough for me to forget." He looks helplessly at Katara. "Why aren't you saying anything useful?"

"I don't know what to say," she replies, then sighs. "Look, Sokka. I know there's some stupid Law saying that it's wrong, but you and Suki—it just works, alright? It does."

"But she won't feel the same," Sokka says, exhaling. "And if she ever knows—god, it would never be okay again."

Sokka looks up at his sister so quickly that he almost get's whiplash. "You can't—"

"I'm not going to say anything about it," Katara says immediately, touching his shoulder. "Look at me. I'm not going to say anything."

He sighs. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Sokka, it goes without saying. You're my brother."

Sokka nods. "I think we should go back home now."

"Yeah," Katara answers. "I think we should."

* * *

Sokka shuts himself in his room as soon as he's back and showered, taking a seat at his desk. His parabatai rune begins to burn slightly at the precise moment Suki enters the house, but he doesn't feel like going downstairs to greet her just yet. Surely he will hear her footsteps soon, the faint hiss of water as she gets into the shower. All the normal sounds of the Institute, all of the normal things.

For a long time, Sokka can't detect Suki coming upstairs. And when he hears the raised voices downstairs, he gets to his feet and heads towards the sound, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen to see Suki and Zuko face each other, a letter clutched in the latter's hand. _Who the hell writes letters anymore?_

At the dining table, Aang sits with an anxious look on his face, fingers laced together.

Suki turns to look at him, and he struggles to remain stoic. After staring at her for a second, he steps further into the kitchen, jerking his chin towards the letter. "What happened?"

Zuko lets out an impatient sigh. "Azula sent me a letter. She said that—she said she's here, and that she has backup. I don't know exactly what she wants, but—it can't be good." He goes on to explain the contents of the letter; something about how she could be targeting the Silent City to get the most powerful artifacts in the Shadowhunter world... the Mortal Instruments. Out of pure habit, he exchanges a few looks with Suki at certain parts of the explanation. "I hope you don't plan on going off on your own," Sokka says, running a hand through his hair when Zuko's finished.

He rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'll take someone with me."

"We should discuss this when everyone is back," Aang says, absentmindedly rubbing his fingers along the arrow rune on his other hand. "Didn't you hear what I said about how she might see this as an opportunity to send something to attack the Institute?"

"The Institute is warded against demons of any sort," Sokka reasons. "What could she do?"

"There could be other _Nephilim_ on Ozai's side sent to kill us. You know how an Institute works, Sokka," Suki says. "Only people with angel blood can open the doors. Regardless of whose side they're on, Nephilim are Nephilim."

"Fine!" Zuko spits. "All of us go."

"Are you kidding?" Aang says, crossing his arms. "She could send someone to, I don't know, destroy the Institute? Take down the wards somehow if they have a warlock on their side?"

"I don't care about what happens to the Institute as long as all of us are safe," Zuko replies savagely. 

Suki looks up, looking as alarmed as Sokka feels by the statement. "Zuko, you don't mean that."

"We have to take this one step at a time," Aang reasons. Appa, the Institute's white and brown Persian cat, leaps up into his arms, purring loudly. Aang scratches him behind his ears before looking up at the others. "We have to assume that there _is_ an entrance to the Silent City near every Institute. Now we just have to go to the Institute library and try to find out where it is. If Azula really is here, that's where she'll be."

"Well, aren't there a lot of Silent Cities all over the world?" Sokka says. "What would Azula want with the one here?"

"There are permanent Portals in each City. The Portal in a Silent City is the only way to get directly into Idris without anyone noticing," Zuko explains. "And she knows I'm here. She probably thinks of it as knocking out two birds with one stone."

"She wants you to come," Suki says. "What if you didn't go?"

"Suki—"

"No, listen to me. You and Katara stay behind while Aang, Toph, Sokka and I go and deal with the issue at the Silent City."

Sokka doesn't like the idea of leaving his sister behind at all, and is just about to say so before Zuko opens his mouth first. "What, you think I'm going to let you guys go on your own?" he asks, eyes widening. "Just because you don't want me to freak out at the sight of my sister?"

"I never said you were going to freak out, but she'll be able to get into your head," Suki explains, but she looks uneasy.

"Oh, for god's sake, Suki, we're Shadowhunters," Zuko spits. "We don't waste time on being bothered by stupid villain monologues. We all go, or only I go."

"No way," Sokka and Suki say in unison. _Are you absolutely fucking crazy?_

"Like I said," Aang sighs, "let Toph and Katara come back. Katara's the only one who can talk some sense into you, and Toph is the only one who can be realistic with all of us."

"Hey!" Suki says. "The rest of us can be realistic!"

"This whole conversation disproves that point," Aang mutters, hugging Appa close to his chest. Sokka goes to the other side of the table to pet Appa, and now he's directly facing his parabatai.

"You want us to wait a whole night for them to be back?" Zuko asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"Call them back," Suki suggests.

"What about patrol?" Sokka protests, leaning forward and bracing his hands on the table to bring his eyes level with Suki's. Their faces are too close, and he can feel his ears getting warm. "If we call them back, they could let some demon get loose and terrorize some poor mundane. We can't just ignore patrol in favor of a larger issue."

"So let's go to them," Aang suggests, releasing Appa so he can walk on the table. The cat immediately goes to Zuko, who looks at him in surprise before lifting his hand from the table to pet him. "There are two cars, right? There's still that one car that we never use. Let's take that and go to wherever they'll be at this time."

"We're still leaving the Institute undefended," Suki sighs, taking the words right from Sokka's brain. "I don't like it."

"It's a risk we'll have to take, apparently," he says, already pulling out his stele to Mark himself with runes. "Looks like our rule is pretty much just _never underestimate Azula."_

With that, he goes to put his gear back on. When he comes back, Suki's leaning against the kitchen countertop, finishing a glass of water.

"Let me Mark you," he says quietly, walking towards her as if he's in a trance, not quite hearing her answer. Sokka lifts a hand to grab the zipper of her jacket and pull it down slowly, barely able to breathe. He stops below her collarbone, lifting his stele to draw an Energy rune on the smooth skin.

"Suki," he breathes, and he wants to kiss her more than anything, forget everything that ever held him back and just drown in her presence and her warmth. He wants and he wants and he _wants,_ more than anything he has ever wanted in his entire life.

"I could've done that myself," Suki mutters, but her voice sounds a little uneven.

He leans back and huffs. "Relax, Suki. I don't have cooties." His heart rate is going back down, momentary lapse in common sense coming to a bitter and anticlimactic end. And then they're laughing again, like nothing ever happened, like nothing ever hurt.

And then he's reaching for her jacket again, pulling one side down to expose her arm so he can draw more runes. His heart is beginning to pound again, and when he's done he sighs. Reaching up to tap his neck, he asks, "can you draw a Strength rune here?"

Suki nods solemnly, rising to the very tips of her toes with her stele in hand. One of her hands, strong yet delicate, lands on the side of his neck, allowing her to brace herself as she draws the rune. Sokka can feel her breath on his throat, and he tries to not close his eyes. When she's done, he tilts his head down to look at her, and if he could just move _an inch_ closer, nothing would ever matter anymore...

She steps away, and he exhales sharply. "Suki—"

"You guys coming or not?" Aang asks, poking his head into the kitchen.

"Coming," Suki says, then looks back at Sokka. "Might want to draw another Energy rune on yourself, Sokka. You seem tired."

He rolls his eyes, but his brain is going haywire. "I'm fine."

"Then come on," she tells him, offering him a small smile before they disappear into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, this is absolutely and completely insane," Sokka says, crossing his arms, the hilt of his sword digging uncomfortably into his hip. Suki is solemn, and Aang feverishly sifts through Institute textbooks, searching for the exact location of the Silent City.

"Where will they be right now?" he asks after a moment, looking up.

"Don't worry about that." Zuko's voice is tense and terse. "Just find out where the entrance is."

Suki, sitting shotgun, turns around in her seat to face Sokka, who sits next to Aang."Katara's not answering any of your texts, is she?"

"No," Sokka confirms, fiddling with the sleeve of his gear jacket—the only sign of the panic that's building in his chest. _Katara's okay, right? She can handle herself, she can fight, she'll be okay, she's my sister, she's my only sister—my baby sister—_ "Must be a bad night for patrol."

"Let's just hope that's all it is," Zuko breathes. 

Sokka stiffens and looks up. "You think Azula might've found them?"

"Wouldn't put it past her," Suki mutters, and he can almost feel how tense she is.

"Los Angeles is huge, guys," Aang says, the only one who can keep his voice even. "Even if Azula does know where they are, it'll be a nightmare getting to them unless she Portals directly."

"We don't know how long she's been here, if she's been here at all," Sokka replies, rubbing his forehead. _My only sister, my baby sister—_ "There's no traffic, Zuko, just drive faster!"

"I'm not gonna get pulled over on our way there!" Zuko replies indignantly. "I'm already going fifteen over the speed limit!"

"Oh, what's the speed limit, ten?" Sokka snaps.

"Shut up! Both of you," Suki snaps. "Zuko, just drive. Sokka, don't stress Zuko out." 

Sokka swallows, curling his hands into fists. "We're all stressed out, Suki."

"Not Aang!"

"I am stressed," Aang says, squinting at the worn pages of the book. "I'm just better at controlling it than a bunch of eighteen year olds."

"Damn," Sokka mutters, a strained smile coming to his mouth for a moment, but it disappears within seconds.

"Ten minutes," Zuko says softly, his knuckles white on the wheel. "We'll be there in ten minutes."

"Toph and Katara can handle themselves," Suki says softly to Zuko, and the comforting tones in her voice make Sokka's heart ache, a sorrowful sort of unease settling deep in his brain.

"I know," Zuko answers, his voice equally quiet. Sokka closes his eyes and tries to not hear anything else.

* * *

When they finally reach Beverly Hills, everyone nearly tumbles out of the car in their haste to get out. They weave through mundanes still stumbling through the warm night, completely unseen due to the runes obscuring them from view. 

Pragmatic as he is, Sokka can't waste time trying to analyze every interaction between Suki and Zuko. Who is he to do that, anyway? Who is he to care about this sort of thing regarding his parabatai? It's not like he ever has a chance to be with her the way he wants to be, and the sooner he fully realizes that, the better.

He wonders if part of him is still hoping. If part of him still believes that by some miracle, he'll get the future he had always wanted.

No, it would never happen. But that's the hard part—trying to stop himself from wanting it. That is the terrible, awful, horrible thing about love—it replaces every sense of sanity and reason, replaces reality with hope.

_Doesn't matter, anyway. None of it can matter. All that matters is being a good parabatai, all that matters is being a good Shadowhunter. Not her._

_(only her)_

_Not her._

"Demons in Beverly Hills," Sokka mutters, coming to walk next to Suki. There's still a touch of stiff formality when he talks to her, and it makes her heart ache. "It's kind of funny, isn't it?"

"Hilarious," Suki replies. Her hand flies to her pocket, where she keeps her Sensor, and she looks at him. "They're here. In the parking garage."

Zuko ducks into the parking garage, pulling out the hilt of a seraph blade. Sokka follows, keeping his footsteps light and silent. Zuko grabs his gear and holds him in place when they see Toph and Katara, battling this foul-smelling, terrible, massive, many-headed _thing_ that's currently hissing and spraying acid.

"Hydra demon!" Sokka calls to Suki once she appears in his view, watching as she sprints into the chaos.

"Yeah, I _got_ that, thanks!" she yells, dodging one of its many diamond-shaped heads. A few feet away, Katara has leaped onto one of the cars, her seraph blade glowing in her hand and illuminating her dark skin. "All of you get back!" Katara orders, and Zuko, Aang, and Toph sprint out of the demon's range. Sokka sighs and rolls away from a spray of acid.

Suki watches Katara's chest rise and fall with a silent, deep breath, before she jumps—spinning in midair, she sweeps her blade in a broad arc, cutting off all of the heads at once. The heads roll across the pavement before either disintegrating or melting into acid and yellow dust. _Show-off._

His sister steadies herself and brushes dust off of her gear, stepping away from a puddle of ichor as Zuko rushes to her aid. "What in the _hell_ are you guys doing here?"

"Azula sent a letter," Zuko says breathlessly, and is greeted by Katara's skeptical expression. He pulls the folded up paper out of the pocket of his gear jacket and hands it to her. "Read it."

Katara holds his gaze as she takes the letter from him, before finally glancing down to read it. Sokka glances sideways at Suki, his shoulders slumping with pure relief at seeing Toph and his sister alive. He watches as Suki loosens her grip on her seraph blade, causing it to lose its glow.

"The entrance to the Silent City is really close to the Institute," Katara declares, handing the letter back to Zuko. "I remember reading it in a book in the Institute library. The Los Angeles Institute changed locations a few times and the entrance along with it—no matter what, it will always be in a two mile radius."

"Two miles?" Zuko asks, alarmed. "Oh, _fuck."_

"Let's go to the Institute," Suki says. _"Now."_

"I'm coming with you," Sokka impulsively says to Katara, and Suki glances at him, surprise flickering in her eyes. "Zuko, Aang, and Suki can go in the one we came in."

"You're sure you wanna split up with Suki?" Katara asks, raising her eyebrows. There's something else in her words, another question left unsaid.

"We'll be fine without each other for a car ride," he says, without looking back at Suki. "Come on. We can't waste any time."

Zuko and Katara exchange a look before going to their respective cars. 

"You okay, Toph?" Sokka asks, getting into the shotgun seat. 

"I'm fine," she answers, sighing. "You guys?"

"We're fine," he says. "Just worried about you." He turns to his sister. "Need anything?"

"I'm good," she confirms, starting the car. "We didn't need you, you know."

"We didn't come to help you," Sokka tells her.

"I know. I'm trying to say thank you."

"Well, you got a pretty shit way of saying it. Saying the actual words would certainly help, wouldn't it?"

She smiles slightly, opting to remain silent for the next ten minutes of their drive. At some point, Katara narrows her eyes, frowning. "I lost them."

"What?" Toph asks, alarmed.

"Fucking god almighty," Katara mutters. "I'm taking another way to the Institute. We just have to hope we reach at the same time."

"Is that really the first thing you think of, not _let's keep driving and see if we find them?"_ Sokka asks. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"

"Fuck off, Sokka," she snaps. "Just shut up and let me drive, alright?"

Sokka glances down to see that Katara's knuckles are white on the wheel, and immediately regrets yelling at her. He closes his eyes and leans back, worry for Suki creeping into his brain.

_She'll be okay, right? She has to be._

It takes them some time to get to the Institute, and they're greeted by eerie silence and the other car in the driveway.

Sokka looks at Katara. "They're in there."

"They better be," she responds, and at that precise moment, they hear a crash from within the Institute.

Hands land on Sokka's shoulders and he spins, a hand going to the hilt of his blade only to see golden eyes staring at him. "Suki and Aang are inside," Zuko tells him, running a hand through his dark hair. There's a cut on his neck that he hadn't noticed before, and Katara pushes Sokka out of the way to stand in front of Zuko and lift a hand to his neck. They seem entirely in their own world for a second, and Sokka rolls his eyes and looks away. 

Directly at a group of Shadowhunters congregated near them, weapons held threateningly high. 

_"GUYS!"_ Sokka yells, before pulling out his regular sword. 

"Don't kill them!" Katara yells. "I want them alive!"

Every other thought evaporates from Sokka's mind as he works on immobilizing the Nephilim currently trying to kill them. It's different, trying to hurt another person rather than a demon, but there is no worry. This is what he trained for since he could walk, this is who he is. He can fight.

His parabatai rune begins to sting just as he hits someone in the head with the hilt of his sword, causing them to drop unconscious at his feet. Sokka looks up to see Suki and some other vaguely familiar girl stumble out of the Institute, clearly in the middle of a fight. In an instant, the other girl raises a small knife and slices Suki's cheek clean open. The movement is so sharp and abrupt it's almost like Sokka can feel his own cheek being cut open, a thin stream of blood running down his face.

_Wait._

He raises his fingers to his face, and they come away bloody when he lowers his hand. Suki's staring at him, an expression of such raw surprise and worry on her face that his heart skips a beat. He watches as Suki raises her sword and brings it across the backs of her opponent's knees and she—Maia, Mia, Mai, whatever—falls to her knees with Suki standing, the bloody weapon clutched in her hand. His angel, his parabatai, his Suki.

But Mai is too fast yet again, and pulls out another small knife to stick it directly in a softer part of Suki's gear.

He can hear Suki exhale sharply in surprise before stumbling away, already reaching with shaking hands for her stele. Across the driveway of the Institute, Sokka clutches his torso, his heart pounding so loudly it's almost giving him a headache. Pain, blood running down his side.

Right where Suki herself had been stabbed.

_(entreat me not to leave thee, or return from following after thee—)_

Suki removes the blade and hisses through her teeth as she draws her jacket up to quickly draw a healing rune on her stomach. The wound stitches up immediately—she must have drawn it well.

Slowly, Sokka drops his hand from his stomach, eyebrows drawn together and lips parted in confusion as his pain fades away, presumably along with hers.

_(where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.)_

Parabatai weren't supposed to experience each other's injuries.

_(and there will I be buried.)_

_"Everyone stop!"_ someone screams, and Sokka lifts his head to see Azula standing behind Zuko, a glowing seraph blade held to his throat. Aang, who stands over Ty Lee with his own blade pointed down her heart, freezes. Sokka glances at his sister, silently warning her not to move. Her eyes remain transfixed on Zuko, fear and anger visible in her eyes.

"Do you guys know what happens when you use a seraph blade on a human being?" Azula says in a soft voice. "No? I do." She smiles slightly. "We all know the blade is made of _adamas,_ the 'stone of the gods,' as they called in the Codex. We've all read the Codex, right?"

Slowly, Sokka withdraws his silver boomerang. "Let him go, Azula," he warns. "Because believe me, I never miss with this."

"Oh, you don't want to do that," Azula murmurs, pressing the flat part of the blade to Zuko's throat before turning it back so the sharp edge digs into his skin. "See, I'll cut him before that. And when you cut a human with a blade of _adamas,_ they start to burn from the inside out. It's a weapon of heaven, of the angels—it's too powerful to just give us a normal, boring death to look at, is it? Although," she adds, tilting her chin down to look at Zuko, her expression oddly fond. "He is Nephilim, my useless brother. I don't know what happens when you use an angel's weapon on an angel's child, but I am interested in finding out."

"Might as well save me for Dad," Zuko hisses, his golden eyes narrowed. Azula has the same eyes, Sokka realizes with belated shock. Herondale gold. "I'm sure he would like to find out, too."

"I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child," Azula says, grinning, and she looks absolutely deranged. She's as attractive as her brother, but infinitely more terrible because of the emptiness in her eyes. "And I've been waiting to do that for years."

In the corner of Sokka's vision, he sees Suki moving slowly towards Zuko, her back against the garage door.

Zuko laughs, but there is an undertone of fear in the sound. "Still a raging sociopath, then," he murmurs. "What would Mom say?"

For the first time, Azula seems genuinely angry. _"Don't_ talk about her," she says in a threatening hiss. "I don't care what Mother would think of me."

"I know you do," Zuko replies softly. Azula's distracted enough for his hand to slowly inch towards the small dagger at his belt. "You care, and you wish she was with you so you could find some way to make her love you the way she loved me."

She chuckles. "Mom left _both_ of us. Not just me."

At that moment, Sokka watches Suki tackle the two Herondales, pushing them to the ground and causing the seraph blade to miss Zuko by less than half an inch. Katara raises a hand as Sokka tries to move towards them, glaring angrily at her brother. _You'll make things worse,_ she seems to say. _Let Suki handle it._

Suki scrambles to her feet and points her blade at Azula. "You," she says, grinning madly as she gets to her feet again. "Suki, right? Didn't know you'd be _the_ Suki Aikawa." Azula jabs with her seraph blade, and Suki dodges it easily. Sokka almost grins. "They say that you're the best Shadowhunter of our generation," Azula murmurs. "But you're not like me."

"No," Suki agrees. "I'm a whole lot better."

Sokka does smile at that.

Azula's face contorts in fury and she lunges at Suki. No matter what anyone thinks of the younger Herondale, Azula _is_ good—after about a minute or so, Sokka can see that Suki has to make an actual effort to not get killed by the seraph blade.

"I'm having fun," Azula says conversationally, a bead of sweat running along the side of her face. "But I've got better things to do. Ty Lee?"

He realizes what's happening a second too late. In less than half a second, the girl lying at Aang's feet—Ty Lee—rolls away, lifting a blade of her own, quick enough to make a shallow cut with her blade across Sokka's collarbones, the metal cutting cleanly through his gear. _Fucking electrum,_ he thinks bitterly as he kicks her hard in the gut.

Suki gasps in pain, and Sokka watches with horror as she falls to her knees. It's like that night in patrol all over again, some phantom agony bringing her down. She falls, and Sokka's running as fast as he can towards her, but Azula puts her arms around his parabatai, and between one breath and another, they disappear.

* * *

"Sokka, man, come on. Get up." He's on his knees in the spot where Suki and Azula had disappeared, and Zuko walks over, roughly grabbing Sokka's arm and putting it around his own shoulders. _"Get up."_

He leans against Zuko, allowing himself some support for a moment. "Take Ty Lee and Mai to the Sanctuary," he says to Katara, Toph, and Aang, who are holding onto the two girls. "Right _fucking_ now."

"Shouldn't we tell the Clave?" Toph asks.

"Fuck the Clave," Sokka responds sharply. "There are things I have to know first."

"Well, we have to be reasonable about it—" Aang starts, but Zuko shakes his head. The younger Shadowhunter falls silent, nodding. 

"And what do we do with the others?" Katara asks, gently kicking an unconscious Shadowhunter with her boot.

"Gag them and put them in the Sanctuary, too," Zuko says sharply, before turning to the dark haired girl. "Mai."

Sokka remembers now why she was so familiar—he's pretty sure she dated Zuko a while back. 

"Zuko," Mai responds with a venomous smile. "Miss me?"

"Not really," he answers. "Hi, Ty Lee."

"Hi," Ty Lee answers brightly. "I really hope you aren't taking this personally! I still think you're cool. It's just—your sister and I are best friends and all—ah, you know how it is."

To Sokka's immense surprise, Zuko smiles grudgingly. "Sure. I'm not letting you go, though. Aang, Toph, you take care of the others. Katara, Sokka, and I will take Ty Lee and Mai, okay."

Ty Lee looks up at Sokka. "You're cute," she says decisively. "Sorry I stabbed you."

Under circumstances, he might have laughed, but he says nothing. _Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki, Suki—_

"Take them," he says suddenly. "I need a minute."

Katara puts a hand on his shoulder. "Sokka."

"I swear I won't be long," he tells her. "Just go, alright?"

Katara glances sideways at Toph and Aang, who are already hauling bodies into the Institute before looking back at him. "I know you're worried. But she'll be okay."

"It's fucking Azula," Sokka says, and is struck by the sudden urge to start crying. "I trust Suki. I know she's good, but—"

Katara looks at him, and he finds that he can no longer face his sister. "Just go with Zuko, Katara. Go."

She huffs and walks away, and Sokka walks down to the Institute gates. 

_Consider your options. Consider everything._ He can almost hear Suki's voice in his ear, soft and serious. 

Sokka exhales shakily and puts his hands against his face. _Why is this happening now? Why is everything happening now?_

He imagines that he'll find Suki—he _has to,_ obviously—and she will be okay and they'll be together and she'll take one look at his face and she'll know everything.

How could she not? Even now, even before tonight, how could she face him and not know how much he loves her?

It doesn't matter. None of that matters. All that matters is her, right? Finding her, helping her, saving her. _I need you._

_(I need you to come back and I need to find you because I'm already losing you and now you're really gone.)_

He has to stop crying. He has to open his eyes and he has to find her.

Sokka lifts his gear to look at his parabatai rune, taking a moment to lose himself in the comforting black lines. 

_I'll find you,_ he thinks, lowering his gear and walking towards the Institute.

_I promise._

**Author's Note:**

> ages !!  
> sokka-18  
> suki-18  
> zuko-18  
> katara-17  
> aang-15  
> toph-15
> 
> comments and kudos are big brain


End file.
